Daytime Emmy Awards, ya'll!

It's the day of the show ya'll! In t-minus 60 minutes plus 17 minutes, I'll be live bloggin' all the action over at the Daytime Emmy Awards! Who's excited?!!

7:02pm Red Carpet special!! First La Lucci sighting! This is going to be a good night!

7:03pm Three of the most respected tv critics will be offering commentary. Um, I clearly missed your call, CW.

7:05pm Breaking for dinner (wings!). Talk amongst yourselves.

7:46pm Annnnd we're back!

7:47pm I've got your number Daytime Emmy Awards, this year it's all about Vagisil, Tyler Perry and lame-o CW remakes of shows that should never be remade. I don't like it Daytime Emmy Awards, but I'm willing to deal with it as long as I can see Ricky Paull Goldin in a leather bikini . . . what? He's not in the bikini? GOD!

7:52pm I just discovered that Melodie at Daytime Confidential is ALSO live blogging the Daytime Emmys. It's a Melody(ie) off!!

7:54pm If it's so hot out in LA, why is Jennie Garth wearing a giant orange curtain as a dress. Girlfriend must be schvitzing.

7:55pm 5 more minutes! And it's the kid from "Everybody Loves That Raven!"

8:01pm IT'S ON, YOU GUYS!!

8:02pm Vanessa Williams . . . this feels wrong.

8:03pm Really wrong.

8:05pm Okay, it got better. This really is the only award show that matters to me.

8:06pm Rachel Ray and that hot guy from Dancing with the Stars!

8:07pm Dr. David Baby Stealer!!!!! And JR!! You need to take down those lame other dudes.

8:08pm It's a tie?!

8:09pm YES!! Dr. David Baby Stealer!!!!!

8:10pm Wow, I don't think this dude actually would steal a baby in real life. The curtain's been drawn. I would have tea with you Dr. David Baby Stealer.

8:11pm Other Emmy goes to someone on GL. If tonight turns into a big giant Guiding Light a$$ kissing party, I'm flipping over to Food Network Challenges.

8:15pm You know who watches the Daytime Emmy Awards (DEA as it will now be called)!
Ladies! Bring on that Vagisil commercial again.

8:16pm Anyone know where I can get an off-brand BumpIt?

8:17pm Why is that guy wearing a scarf!? Weren't we just talking about how hot it is out there?

8:17pm CASH CAB!! We're 2 for 2 with awesomeness! If somehow there's a Mythbusters experience tonight, my head may explode.

8:20pm Rachel Ray wins. Bathroom break.

8:26pm By "bathroom break" I meant, "Make myself a wine spritzer." It seems only appropriate.

8:27pm By the way, I really appreciated a sneak peek of J.R.'s shaved head!

8:31pm Bindi Irwin deserves to win Best Kid's Something or Other purely because of her crimped hair in that clip.

8:32pm Elmo wins.

8:33pm Elmo looks nothing like I'd expect him to.

8:34pm Elmo SOUNDS nothing like I'd expect him to.

8:35pm Hooray Elmo. Elmo hooray!

8:35pm Dr. Phil. Bathroom break.

8:35pm No, All My Children clips for best Drama Something or Other!

8:36pm Tyra Banks. Bathroom break.

8:37pm No, weird fashion show. I've been waiting for this. I want to see some skin Funny Doc!

8:38pm Real Preggers has a smokin' bod, huh?

8:39pm LA LUCCI!!

8:39pm That "fashion show" was awkward and unnecessary.

8:40pm Montel Williams is a little smug for his own good. (Mr. Paraphrasing Pine Valley said he looks like Bizarro Montel Williams with that goatee.)

8:42pm This Feed the Children stuff, really is great. Why is Luke from GH tainting it for me? Seeing him and his earring really gets to me. He looks like a Mugatu. Except paler.

8:45pm The montage for the Feed the Children trip was incredibly inspiring and made me a little teary eyed!

8:50pm I don't know who Van Hasis is . . . but I just can't get behind that name, kid.

8:51pm Outstanding Supporting Actress! CrazAnnie vs. Kendall!! EPIC!

8:52pm Wait, Reese wins for being not Reese on a show that's not All My Children? Not cool.

8:54pm Internets not letting me comment on my own blog. Conspiracy.

8:55pm Whoa short dress. The Young and the Restless indeed.

8:56pm Tyra Banks. "Informative" Talk Show. Ugh. Why are we encouraging this woman?

8:57pm Tyra fills me with enormous amounts of rage. It's inexplicable.

8:58pm Thank you, BumpIts, for distracting me from Tyra. I'm better now.

8:59pm Oooh, a new Vagisil commercial! Vagisil and dish soap. The CW knows it's demographic for this show.

9:03pm So there's "Young Actor" and "Younger actor?" Who came up with these categories?

9:04pm The guy who won has the tiniest head I've ever seen.

9:05pm Best Greatest Morning Show: Good Morning, America? What?!! I demand a recount. No one's better than the Lauer. No one.

9:06pm Dr. Phil. Floss break.

9:07pm Either I'm losing my mind, or someone in our building is playing the flute or the pan pipes or a recorder. I'm not kidding.

9:08pm Days of Our Lives? More like "Lame of Our Lives!" All My Children is going to SCHOOL you suckers!

9:09pm These super serious Blimpie commercials are a little over the top. They're subs, people!

9:11pm SCOOTERS!!

9:12pm I think I'm the only person not watching True Blood right now.

9:13pm Seriously, someone is playing flute music right now and it's driving me batty!

9:14pm Alright, flute music coming from our new neighbor. I prefer flute music to the horrifying noises that we were hearing a few weeks ago.

9:15pm NPH on Sesame Street? Sheer brilliance! Sesame Street rules. Sesame Street taught me how to read when I was 1 year old. I'm not kidding. 40 years. Good for them! That show is amazing.

9:16pm Zach Slater loves Sesame Street!

9:19pm That was really nice. More Sesame Street. Less Dr. Phil.

9:20pm And less of Sandra Oh's dress. Come on, lady. You're gorgeous. Why are you wearing shoulder pads?

9:21pm I didn't know Kenny Rogers was Oscar the Grouch. And Telly looks like Telly.

9:22pm SERIOUSLY THE FLUTE MUSIC HAS TO STOP!! It's driving me mad.

9:27pm Gratuitous Vanessa Williams singing.

9:28pm What does this song have to do with All My Children? We really should be asking ourselves that, Daytime Emmy Awards producers.

9:29pm This song isn't even about Vagisil or scooters. What's it doing here?

9:30pm And now there's dancing. Great. Bring back Dr. David Baby Stealer.

9:31pm Did they just call her "Jeanie" Garth?

9:32pm Gosh, let Jennie Garth get a word in edgewise, Aunt Becky!

9:33pm Best Writing- General Hospital. I'd put up a fight for AMC, but . . . I mean, you know.

9:34pm Pssst, All My Children- I'm available.

9:38pm Ryan Lavery! CrazAnnie!! Cash Cab didn't win, but congrats to Meredith. I'm surprised Lavery didn't try to steal the Emmy from her, or maybe he will. He likes to steal things from other people. Women. Casinos. Kids.

9:39pm Betty White, what are you wearing? My Uncle Harry's old jogging suit?

9:40pm I love you, Betty. Gosh I love you, I guess I'll forgive the rhinestone encrusted windbreaker.

9:43pm Godspeed, Guiding Light! Is Luke aka Mugatu crying AGAIN?! Why is he crying? It's not his show!! I'd like to put him, Tyra and Dr. Phil in a room together and let them fight to the death. Whoever lives . . . gets to live.

9:45pm What's with all the circus BS in those General Hospital promos? See, that's exactly why I prefer All My Children. Give me tornados and stolen babies!! Much more realistic.

9:47pm Is Patrick Duffy on Gray's Anatomy? Is he the guy from Growing Pains?

9:48pm Best Actress- Susan Haskell? BOOOOOOOOOO. You deserve it, Debbie Morgan.

9:49pm Okay, you're married to Zach Slater. I guess you can win.

9:50pm Best Actor- not Zach Slater. At least it wasn't Mugatu. Zach, you should just go up there and take from him, and be all, "You know what? I'm just gonna take this award. You're gonna give it to me. And I'm going to take it. Because it's mine. Now go paint the basement."

9:54pm Dr. Phil is drunk. And annoying. And drunk.

9:56pm Best Daytime Drama- Not All My Children. Bold and the Beautiful? More like Yawn and the Boring-ful. So boring they didn't even get to do an acceptance speech. SUCK IT!

9:58pm Well, that was it. Exhausting, huh? Not even a good bye. Had they cut down the lady part cream commercials and the Dr. Phil nonsense, and that 2nd Vanessa Williams song, maybe we could've had a real awards show, people. Perhaps The CW should just stick to the Gossip Girls and the fake Melrose Places.

I'm sorry . . . I'm just bitter All My Children was mostly snubbed. But hooray Dr. David Baby Stealer!!! You deserve to go steal a baby!