Where am I going to put my pilates ball™?

Okay, why is Dr. Mrs. Police Chief wearing CrazAnnie’s wig? Hair and makeup cutbacks?

Tuesday 8/18:

Erica Kane’s getting ready for her little jaunt to Africa to save the children, and by “getting ready” I mean getting poked in the butt . . . with a needle . . . for her vaccines or whatever. Not only is this poor woman getting stuck in the @$ with a pointy object, she’s only allowed to bring one backpack! She’s all, “But I’ve got all these dresses, and shoes! And where am I going to put my pilates ball™?” (I'm sure you'll figure something out, Erica. That money doesn't print itself, you know.)

So Randi’s “missing” because she’s “borrowing” a baby she “found” in a “basket” that no one “wanted” in an “alley” at “church.” (Actually, Randi, people do want him and his name is Barbados Baby.) Girlfriend decides to hole herself up in a motel (she certainly knows her motels!) and watch the news and not give that baby back. Oh Randi. I think you’ve lost your mind.

Dr. Mrs. Police Chief is the smartest lady in town, and she’s totes figured out what happened, the whole ex-hooker’s politician john forces himself on her and she kills him thing. Maybe Dr. Mrs. Police Chief should be Police Chief. She confronts real Police Chief at police station and well, no one’s very happy about the lies and the killing and the wig she's wearing. Oh and Madison (who is certifiably coo-coo now) visited Mittens and made him think that Dead D.A. and Randi were having an affair. You’re making it very hard for me to love you, Madison. Now that you’re a psychopath.

Fake Preggers has brought over some Chinese food to Zach, so they can talk about the case or “do it”, whichever comes first, and admits she’s an awful horrible mother because she is NEVER with her own damn baby (Thank you! I just wanted you to admit that Fake Preggers). Kendall is a nosy Nelly and sneaks out of her lair and almost blows the cover until Zach pulls an Oscar winning performance that includes breaking something and finally Fake Preggers leaves. Zach tells Kendall to go paint the basement but instead she pulls out her laptop, summons her inner Carrie Bradshaw and she’s all, “I couldn’t help but wonder . . . do they have any Chinese food left upstairs?”

Meanwhile as Erica’s getting her visa for Africa, she and Ryan have a madcap “A Hard Day’s Night-esque” music video jaunt in New York City! New York City, LOL! The only thing missing was some twirling.

This week! Kendall gets hurts or passes out or has a heart attack (don't tell me you forgot about her bum heart!) and Zach is forced to call 911 and he’s all, “Yeah, I know she’s supposed to be in jail . . . I was, uh, going to church . . . and I, uh, found her in a basket in the alley.”*

*Credit: Mr. Paraphrasing Pine Valley™