I seriously need to work on my VCR skills. Maybe my first problem is that I still use a VCR.
Tuesday 6/30:
Now THIS is what I'm talking about! Yes, our friends at All My Children may have taken a few cues from "The Simpsons" but finally, SOMETHING!
Tad remembers some details from the night of Pastely Twin's murder (also the night he himself was shot in the head and became the most annoying person on the planet) . . . something involving that little Emma, yeah whatever, CrazAnnie too, but EMMA! I knew she wasn't to be trusted! She has a look of a cold blooded killer, I tell you!
Scott (apparently back from vacay/contract negotiations) has come up with one of these new-fangled "mission statements" for Chandmerica Industries. It goes like this: "Let's not be greedy." Kind of not a mission statement. Grandad and Junior go all "Wall Street" on his ass and are like, "Um, we actually really love money, we'd like to just make more of it. Hey, THAT should be our mission statement." Scott disagrees and takes his mission statement with him, but Junior convinces him to come back to Chandmerica Enterprise Corporation and Company, LLC.
Mrs. DA's back gamblin'! She just doesn't know when to hold 'em or fold 'em. She's also kind of bitch.
Barbados Baby won't stop crying. Probably because The Artist Formally Known As Fake Preggers ISN'T HIS REAL MOTHER! But then when his real mother holds him SHE DOESN'T REALIZE SHE IS HIS REAL MOTHER! Is there a gas leak in Pine Valley?
Pervy the D.A. shoots holes in Tad and Lavery's "Annie did it" theory with the old "Was her hair straight or curly? I said STRAIGHT OR CURLY?" act. Gets 'em every time.
Colby and The Artist Formally Known As Fake Preggers officially reconcile (this will be until Colby realizes her mother is still a dirty liar), Zach is pissed Tad and Lavery didn't follow his very specific instructions to not talk to the D.A., and that little Emma totes killed Stuart! Please, please, please put her on trial!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
We're still talking 'bout Babe
Hello! How was everyone's weekends? I went to New Jersey. I got a sun burn. I lost at mini golf. These events were all kind of more exciting than today's AMC. But, really, who am I to judge?
Monday 6/29
Finally, Fake Preggers gives Not Birth to her few week old "newborn" baby!! And he was born with a hat. How convenient! (Turns out the whole Tad getting pulled over thing last week was kind of a non-event.)
Meanwhile, at the hippest spot in Pine Valley (aka the cemetery) Krystal and Baby Stealer share a very romantic kiss atop their dead daughter's grave and the recently buried urn of coffee grounds. Not Babe is totally bummed to see them making out, because it's really icky to see your parents do it . . . I mean, make out. Not Babe's got the hots for Junior, and Baby Stealer's all, "But he's a drunk!" and Junior's all, "Hellllooooo! You almost killed Krystal driving drunk! Who's the drunk now, Drunky?!" And Baby Stealer's all, "Touche." Junior tells Not Babe that when he swaped spit with her, he was kinda pretending she was his dead wife. This doesn't land well with Not Babe. It's also super creepy.
At the Chandler mansion, turns out Sherlock Lavery, Dr. Erica Watson and Secret Aiden Man have done some super sleuthing and have figured out that maybe, just maybe Annie was the one who shot Stuart. Well done, kids.
Fake Preggers decides to name Barbados Baby, "Stuart" . . . Does no one, NO ONE realize this damn kid is, what, a month and a half old?
The Lady Formally Knows As Real Preggers can't stand that child's incessant wailing- I think it's because she's bummed her baby "died" or was "adopted" or "for Pete's sake that kid is 8 months old, why don't you people realize that???!!!!"
JR talks to a dead person (Guess who it is!), Tad and Blondie Soldier are totes going to do it and Amanda peeps Barbados Baby and doesn't realize it's her kid (COME ON!!! HE'S LIKE 2!)
Monday 6/29
Finally, Fake Preggers gives Not Birth to her few week old "newborn" baby!! And he was born with a hat. How convenient! (Turns out the whole Tad getting pulled over thing last week was kind of a non-event.)
Meanwhile, at the hippest spot in Pine Valley (aka the cemetery) Krystal and Baby Stealer share a very romantic kiss atop their dead daughter's grave and the recently buried urn of coffee grounds. Not Babe is totally bummed to see them making out, because it's really icky to see your parents do it . . . I mean, make out. Not Babe's got the hots for Junior, and Baby Stealer's all, "But he's a drunk!" and Junior's all, "Hellllooooo! You almost killed Krystal driving drunk! Who's the drunk now, Drunky?!" And Baby Stealer's all, "Touche." Junior tells Not Babe that when he swaped spit with her, he was kinda pretending she was his dead wife. This doesn't land well with Not Babe. It's also super creepy.
At the Chandler mansion, turns out Sherlock Lavery, Dr. Erica Watson and Secret Aiden Man have done some super sleuthing and have figured out that maybe, just maybe Annie was the one who shot Stuart. Well done, kids.
Fake Preggers decides to name Barbados Baby, "Stuart" . . . Does no one, NO ONE realize this damn kid is, what, a month and a half old?
The Lady Formally Knows As Real Preggers can't stand that child's incessant wailing- I think it's because she's bummed her baby "died" or was "adopted" or "for Pete's sake that kid is 8 months old, why don't you people realize that???!!!!"
JR talks to a dead person (Guess who it is!), Tad and Blondie Soldier are totes going to do it and Amanda peeps Barbados Baby and doesn't realize it's her kid (COME ON!!! HE'S LIKE 2!)
Friday, June 26, 2009
Operation Fake Birth, GO!
My apologies, I was incredibly busy with work yesterday, so there will be no Thursday recap. From today's opening, however, this is what I can gather: Fake baby funeral, Annie still crazy, Lavery creepy, Colby's all, "You're not the boss of me," Brot and Blondie on the rocks.
Moving on . . .
Friday 6/26:
Fake Preggers finds the perfect moment to go into Fake Labor- the Fake Baby Funeral! Brilliant! Baby Stealer Hayward's sad, wants to bury Not Dead Baby's "ashes" next to the beloved Babe. Amanda's all, "Yeah, sure, cool!" I was really hoping the scene would then go something like this:
Hayward: "Let's bury the ashes . . . hey, wait a minute . . . is this, Taster's Choice?"
Didn't happen though.
CrazAnnie meets with her therapist, Aiden shows up, wants her to escape, and meanwhile Lavery, creepy as ever, peers through the window. I still have yet to figure out exactly what's going on here. Aiden's not too bad to look at, though, so I won't complain. I'm sure whatever the story line is, it is much less interesting than Aiden's bulging biceps.
Brot and Blondie have a heart to heart (at the only bar in town) which consisted of, "I asked you to marry me because I thought you wanted me to." "But I wanted you to want to ask me to marry you!" "But you should want to marry me whether or not you just wanted me to marry you!" Just break up already . . . wait . . . they do. Did they?
Fake Preggers is in Fake Labor at Tad's house and man, people just won't leave her alone! She's trying to have a Fake Baby here folks, give the woman some space! She's stoked to have Colby there with her though, during this Fake Labor. Nothing proves your love to the child you kinda sorta abandoned by tricking her into thinking you're giving birth in a basement.
Oooooh, I see, they're TESTING CrazAnnie! It's all a test. A big test!
So Tad's got the baby. Who's what, 3 weeks old? Sure, we'll get that switcheroo past everyone.
Amanda walks in on the old fake birth. Awwwwwwkward. Tad and Not Dead Baby get pulled over. Annie totes killed Stuart. Remember Stuart? Everyone loved him. He liked to wear pastels.
Kind of an anti-climatic ending for a Friday, don't you think "All My Children?" Please let this be the lull before Greenlee's triumphant return!!
Moving on . . .
Friday 6/26:
Fake Preggers finds the perfect moment to go into Fake Labor- the Fake Baby Funeral! Brilliant! Baby Stealer Hayward's sad, wants to bury Not Dead Baby's "ashes" next to the beloved Babe. Amanda's all, "Yeah, sure, cool!" I was really hoping the scene would then go something like this:
Hayward: "Let's bury the ashes . . . hey, wait a minute . . . is this, Taster's Choice?"
Didn't happen though.
CrazAnnie meets with her therapist, Aiden shows up, wants her to escape, and meanwhile Lavery, creepy as ever, peers through the window. I still have yet to figure out exactly what's going on here. Aiden's not too bad to look at, though, so I won't complain. I'm sure whatever the story line is, it is much less interesting than Aiden's bulging biceps.
Brot and Blondie have a heart to heart (at the only bar in town) which consisted of, "I asked you to marry me because I thought you wanted me to." "But I wanted you to want to ask me to marry you!" "But you should want to marry me whether or not you just wanted me to marry you!" Just break up already . . . wait . . . they do. Did they?
Fake Preggers is in Fake Labor at Tad's house and man, people just won't leave her alone! She's trying to have a Fake Baby here folks, give the woman some space! She's stoked to have Colby there with her though, during this Fake Labor. Nothing proves your love to the child you kinda sorta abandoned by tricking her into thinking you're giving birth in a basement.
Oooooh, I see, they're TESTING CrazAnnie! It's all a test. A big test!
So Tad's got the baby. Who's what, 3 weeks old? Sure, we'll get that switcheroo past everyone.
Amanda walks in on the old fake birth. Awwwwwwkward. Tad and Not Dead Baby get pulled over. Annie totes killed Stuart. Remember Stuart? Everyone loved him. He liked to wear pastels.
Kind of an anti-climatic ending for a Friday, don't you think "All My Children?" Please let this be the lull before Greenlee's triumphant return!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
New Hands for Mittens?
I should preface all of this by saying that President Obama's press conference about important ish interrupted a good 3/4 of yesterday's episode, so I'm a smidge lost. I won't hold it against him though, because I absolutely love President Obama. I will however hold it against ABC for airing 10 minutes of commercials before airing the last 10 minutes of the show . . . but I digress.
Wednesday 6/24:
A lot of awkward and slightly icky making out/near making out in this episode! Here's the details:
So, Mittens the Soldier Surgeon just had some magical surgery that will for sure allow him the use of his surgeon hands. Damn. I'm going to miss the comedy of seeing him try to pick up cups. Meanwhile, Mrs. Pervy D.A. has a gambling problem! But she's so . . . blonde?! Zach's all, "Your husband totes wants to do my wife. Or at least throw her in jail just because she's Erica Kane's daughter." And down the street Mr. Pervy "Ripped From the Headlines" D.A. is all, "Dude, your husband totes wants to do my wife! Oh and you're trying to bribe me." Kendall is shocked, SHOCKED to figure out that Pervy D.A. has figured out that she and Zach figured they could bribe him. Sharp as a tack, that one.
Grandad The Twin They Didn't Kill is buying a slutty dress (in like, Banana Republic or something) for his new GF Crazy Annie. Erica's all, "Hey I'm going to bring my BF to the special dinner you're throwing for the crazy chick who tried to kill me! And guess what, my new BF is Ryan Lavery! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!" Huzzah!
Later, at the smallest dinner party ever, Lavery asks for a beer and Grandad is all, "Well, I wish I'd known, I would've rolled in a keg." ZING!! Then Grandad gets drunk and Crazy breaks a glass and yells and gets angry and looks Crazy. Sky blue, Pope Catholic.
And Lord, Mittens just won't cheer the F up. "Blah blah blah, I'm a surgeon, can't move my finger, I'm sad." Just get drunk already. And try to pick something up, because that is hilarious! I can't wait for the mechanical hands he'll be getting. And if there aren't mechanical hands involved in this story line, there's going to be hell to pay!
Pervy the D.A. wants Zach in jail. For something. Something important. Something illegal. Not sure what, but whatever it is, he's a menace to society and should be locked up, Police Chief!! Police Chief is all, "A husband and wife cannot be charged with same crime . . . "
Grandad and Crazy suck face, Erica makes googly eyes at Lavery and Mittens starts to move his Surgeon fingers just in time for his Ex-Ho wife to be all snuggled up on by Pervy D.A.!!!
End of show. Where's the action, kids?
And where the heck is that baby? Who's taking care of that thing? In my mind, he's surfing the clear, blue waves of some deserted beach in Barbados. Wearing some baby jam shorts and making that "hang loose" hand signal. I really hope that's what he's doing . . . at least until Hayward steals him.
Wednesday 6/24:
A lot of awkward and slightly icky making out/near making out in this episode! Here's the details:
So, Mittens the Soldier Surgeon just had some magical surgery that will for sure allow him the use of his surgeon hands. Damn. I'm going to miss the comedy of seeing him try to pick up cups. Meanwhile, Mrs. Pervy D.A. has a gambling problem! But she's so . . . blonde?! Zach's all, "Your husband totes wants to do my wife. Or at least throw her in jail just because she's Erica Kane's daughter." And down the street Mr. Pervy "Ripped From the Headlines" D.A. is all, "Dude, your husband totes wants to do my wife! Oh and you're trying to bribe me." Kendall is shocked, SHOCKED to figure out that Pervy D.A. has figured out that she and Zach figured they could bribe him. Sharp as a tack, that one.
Grandad The Twin They Didn't Kill is buying a slutty dress (in like, Banana Republic or something) for his new GF Crazy Annie. Erica's all, "Hey I'm going to bring my BF to the special dinner you're throwing for the crazy chick who tried to kill me! And guess what, my new BF is Ryan Lavery! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!" Huzzah!
Later, at the smallest dinner party ever, Lavery asks for a beer and Grandad is all, "Well, I wish I'd known, I would've rolled in a keg." ZING!! Then Grandad gets drunk and Crazy breaks a glass and yells and gets angry and looks Crazy. Sky blue, Pope Catholic.
And Lord, Mittens just won't cheer the F up. "Blah blah blah, I'm a surgeon, can't move my finger, I'm sad." Just get drunk already. And try to pick something up, because that is hilarious! I can't wait for the mechanical hands he'll be getting. And if there aren't mechanical hands involved in this story line, there's going to be hell to pay!
Pervy the D.A. wants Zach in jail. For something. Something important. Something illegal. Not sure what, but whatever it is, he's a menace to society and should be locked up, Police Chief!! Police Chief is all, "A husband and wife cannot be charged with same crime . . . "
Grandad and Crazy suck face, Erica makes googly eyes at Lavery and Mittens starts to move his Surgeon fingers just in time for his Ex-Ho wife to be all snuggled up on by Pervy D.A.!!!
End of show. Where's the action, kids?
And where the heck is that baby? Who's taking care of that thing? In my mind, he's surfing the clear, blue waves of some deserted beach in Barbados. Wearing some baby jam shorts and making that "hang loose" hand signal. I really hope that's what he's doing . . . at least until Hayward steals him.
Why hello there!
Hello! You look lovely! It's always great to see you.
Welcome to Paraphrasing Pine Valley, the blog that gives you a daily dose of "All My Children." I hope to deliver quality recaps with a twist as frequently as possible.
Stop by again sometime, and let's talk about where Amanda's silly baby is! Anyone know who's looking after the darn thing these days? Or is it just hanging out on the beach in Barbados?
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