Baby a go-go

And we're back!

If I have a baby, and my baby isn't as cute as Barbados Baby I am going to be so incredibly bummed. That is the most adorable worable teeny weeny smoochie woochie baby in the world!!!

Monday 11/30:
Zach isn't taking the whole seeing Fake Kendall making out with Aidan thing very well. Probably because he doesn't realize it's Fake Kendall. He throws away all of her pretty dresses and doesn't want that beyotch to come home. Hottie Inn Keeper (she's no good I tell you) shows up at his house and she's all, "Kendall wanted me to give this to you" and hands him an envelope. First Zach refuses but then it's there when he's like, going out to get a pizza or something, and in the envelope it's totally Kendall's wedding ring! Which I'm sure she gave up willingly right? With her being chloroformed and all? NOT!

Real Preggers spills the beans to Funny Doc about the s-e-x with Dr. Dave and, understandably, Funny Doc is a little t.o.'d. What's so ironical about the situation, is that he doesn't know, and Fake Preggers doesn't know that Barbados Baby doesn't really belong to Dr. David Baby Stealer, he's somebody else's baby! (I don't care what they're saying, I'm pretty sure that kid is J.R.'s.) Real Preggers is really bummed because she's, like, lost her husband (she even throws a pregnancy test at Dr. David Baby Stealer!) and this situation is as bad as bad can be. Never thought a plan as air tight as live with Dr. David Baby Stealer and carry another baby for him would turn out like this, huh? Rule one: don't trust Dr. David. Rule two: Refer to rule one.

Juno's hangin' out with Baby Stuart while Fake Preggers is gone doing lawyer stuff, and Juno's BF comes over and he's acting like he kinda likes that kid he fathered. See Fake Preggers would prefer he not hang out in her house because he's kind of a skeezer so she gets mad when she finds him there. Juno gets all teenagery about the situation and she's like, "I, too, kinda like this kid I gave birth to and then gave to you. I'd like to borrow him for a bit and see if I'd like to take care of him for the next 18 years." Dude, that sucks Fake Preggers. Rule one: don't let unwed teenage mothers live with you and your adopted baby who is the baby they gave birth to in the first place and then gave up. Rule two: See rule one.

Finally, Tad and Krystal are getting closer (which makes me super happy. Tad deserves a lady these days.) and they make out and stuff on the floor. Krystal wants to open a candy shop with coffee and candy and cookies and that sounds like the best idea ever. Throw some puppies to play with in the mix and I'm your first investor!!

This week: Dr. David Baby Stealer is "dying." Real Preggers, you're gonna believe him? Do I have to go over the rules again?

I'm Thankful for Dr. David Hayward.

Actually, I'm thankful for all of my folks on my story, but I am extra thankful for that gorgeous evil doctor.

Once again, sorry for the lack of recap, I blame it on the tryptophan.

Crazy paternity craziness, huh?

And NuColby came onto the scene like a bat outta H E double hockey stick, huh?! Firey that one.

Have a good weekend, ya'lls. Hug an evil doctor!

5 Words

"That's not fair to hookers."

Bad Day

Example of a bad day.

Man, EVERYONE had a bad day in the PV!

Wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it go.


Monday 11/23:
(Sung to the tune of that "Bad Day" Song)

Grandad had a bad day
He's gonna go to jail
His wife is in a coma what will happen to his mail?
Could it get any worse?
But Scott is such a whiz
He tested Annie's blood
Now Grandad knows that kid was his
But it was still a bad day

Zach had a bad day
Saw A mackin' on K
He's really so distraught
He trashed his own darn place
But it wasn't really her
Just her body double
Yet Kendall's now cloroformed and in big trouble
They both had a bad day

Amanda had a bad day
She's hiding stuff from Jake
He got real stressed out
And hit David Hayward in the face
Dave also had a bad day
Not just 'cause of the punch
His sperm isn't awesome
Trevor may not be his son
David had a bad day

All My Children Farewell to NYC Show!

Since I didn't want to plaster the internet with my personal photos, I invite you to enjoy the above artistic interpretation of my experience at the All My Children Farewell to NYC event yesterday.

It was my first time in Staten Island AND my first soap fan event and it completely ruled. Vincent Irizarry, Michael E. Knight, Darnell Williams and Ricky Paull Goldin spent the afternoon telling hilarious stories and answering audience questions, and we even got a little bit of insight on the move to L.A from the men themselves. It was so amazing seeing 4 of my favorite actors from my favorite show live and in person. The meet and greet was also really fantastic, and they even spent personal time with everyone who stuck around for the reception, despite the fact that it ran about an hour late.

I can honestly say that those guys are some of the nicest folks I've met and they're all wildly attractive. WILDLY attractive! I only wish I could've mustered up something a bit more interesting to say to Vincent *swoon* but hey, I was starstruck. I'm glad I even remembered my own name.

I'm really bummed this is probably my last opportunity to go to one of these events. Hopefully, they won't forget about us East Coast folks when they head out to LA LA Land!

PS- Duuuuuddddeeee, Chuck Pratt was fired!! Holy cow!!!

Lady Parts Friday!

Friday 11/20:
Grandad 'fesses up to Stuart's murder. Finally, goodness gracious it took us a long time to get here. He don't want no lawyer, he don't want no help, he just wanna pay. So we're done with this thing, right? It's it? Kapish? Somehow I sense we're not outta the woods just yet, though.

I forgot to mention yesterday that CrazAnnie has the cramps. Not just any cramps, but the pregnant lady soap opera cramps AND she's totes bleeding all over the place. Poor Lucretia, she's had to mop up blood off that rug way too many times in the past few months. So CrazAnnie goes to hospital, and naturally she loses the baby (Is this irony? Can someone ask Alanis?) but there's something else wrong!

Zach is so incredibly pissed that Tad didn't bring back Kendall. So pissed he gets his secret gun, goes to the casino, chokes the guy he hired to follow Tad and is just generally aggro.

Secret Aidan Man decides that Kendall would be a lot more fun if she wasn't just drunk, but also drugged. So the Hottie Inn Keeper gives him some of those drugs (Libidizone, anyone?), and he totes slips 'em in her wine. Kendall gets totally loopy and starts calling Secret Aidan Man "Zach" and takes her top off, which naturally, Zach sees. Good luck with all of this Aidan.

Real Preggers can't keep this secret to save her damn life. She acts all weird and won't take Funny Doc's calls, and he confronts Dr. David Baby Stealer about how they didn't go to the insemination plant and he's like *shoulder shrug*. Then Funny Doc confronts Real Preggers and lord have mercy girlfriend keep it together if you're going to hide the fact that you did it in the back seat of the car with Barbados Baby's baby daddy! Then Funny Doc punches Dr. David Baby Stealer in the face. It's so sexy when my one boyfriend fights my other boyfriend. Is this what those "Twilight" books are about? (Please don't answer that cuz I don't really care.)

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Grandad Scorned

Sorry I was gone yesterday!!!

Here's what we need to know:

Grandad has video evidence of Scott and CrazAnnie smoochies.

Funny Doc is so finding out that Real Preggers and Dr. David Baby Stealer did "it" to make a baby.

Greenlee's totes alive!!

Moving on.

Thursday 11/19:
Scott's not just an uncle wife kisser, he's also a drunkie. And a disorderly one at that. He gets arrested for the drinking and the disorder and CrazAnnie bails him out. They go back to the Grandad Mansion and (OH SNAP!) Grandad knows everything those two fools have been up to and he wants them outta his crib. Out out out.

Meanwhile, the Hottie Innkeeper takes Kendall to a musty old bar for some reason. I honestly have no idea why but I think it might have to do with how creepy Aidan's become. At ye olde Inn Detective Tad shows up to take Kendall back home and Secret Aidan Man's like, "Naw, Kendall's cool. She can stay here." So Tad leaves Kendall-less. Secret Aidan Man fixes a picnic of booze and booze, and Kendall gets drunk and he gets even creepier. You're killing me, Aidan!

Grandad is all sorts of torn up over his floozy wife that he goes to Erica's and he's all going to confess and junk. And . . . that's all I got. Le sigh.

The end of this Stuart business- are we there yet?

Check a box!

Tuesday 11/17:
As expected, CrazAnnie is an awful hospital patient, so she wants to leave. Back at Casa de Grandad, Laves stops over and he's like, "Dude, you're trying to get custody of my kid?" and Grandad's like, "Oh really? Is that what my lawyer's doing?" and Laves is like, "Fine. Here's a sexy video of your wife and her nephew, your nephew, Stuart's son, Scott." Grandad is pisssssed, so he decides to go on a "business trip" and hooks up the old secret camera in the ceiling for some secret video taping of those two awful human beings. And he's got some good footage, because CrazAnnie and Scott can't be in a room together with shoving tongues down each other's throats.

So the Police Chief family was all called together at ConFusion for a meetin' about Madison. They all kinda thought Dr. Mrs. Police Chief of Staff invited them, but nope, 'twas Mad's Dad. Dude's like, "My daughter has schizophrenia and she's really sorry about all of the terrorizing." Then he wheels out Madison, who is CLEARLY a robot now, and she's totes sorry and shakes everyone's hands and they all agree they're gonna leave that robot beyotch alone. But wait, turns out Robot Madison slipped Police Chief a note that said something like, "Will you help me? Check yes or no." Guess which box he checks.

Kendall and Zach hate each other. Or don't. Or something. All I know is Zach makes Tad dress up like a cable guy so he can use his detective skillz (I always forget that guy used to have a job!) to track down Kendall. And Secret Aidan Man is really creepy and just wants Kendall to love him. For the record, I much prefer smoldering Aidan to desperate and creepy Aidan.

Laves is still fuming about the custody stuff, and he sneaks into Dr. David Baby Stealer's office (actually, he just walks on in) and guess who's medical records are up on the screen- GREENLEE!!!! YES!!! As happy as I am about Greenlee's return, I take issue with the way Laves discovered this information. Laves is a numskull and Dr. David Baby Stealer, would NEVER be so stupid as to leave his computer a: unlocked and b: with an open medical record right there. Also he would never c: have a screen saver that looked like his desktop. Though I do believe he would have a photo of a baby as his wallpaper.

Wham Bam, Thank You Aman . . . da

Awwwwww, wook at dis wittle itty bitty witty baby. Is he da wittlest wutest waby in da whole world? Yes he is!!

Monday 11/16:
Annnnnnnnd Dr. David Baby Stealer and Real Preggers do it. All romantic like in the back of a sedan. Hey if it gets Dr. David Baby Stealer his baby then, whatever, no heart shaped hot tub needed. Real Pregs is real not happy about this particular situation. Also, she's the worst liar and is so not going to be able to keep this from Funny Doc, who already suspects something's up. It's okay, Funny Doc, let me hold you. Two wrongs make a right, right?

Kendall is really pissed about those messages from fake Zach. Zach is also getting ticked off at the fake Kendall messages (that are really from Secret Aidan Man and the Hottie Inn Keeper, who for being so rock and roll should really do something more exciting than drink coffee and visit chat rooms) and he has an angry day dream about Secret Aidan Man and Kendall snuggling in a big comfy bed. For a sec it seems like that day dream cuddling may actually become reality, but then Aidan gets a conscience and and puts the brakes on the thang. That's because he's an upstanding gentleman who looks smashing in jammie bottoms.

Erica and Laves and Zach are gonna plant a seed of doubt in Grandad's old man brain about who CrazAnnie's baby daddy is . . . to get a confession. That's what they still want right? I've kind lost track of their meddlin'. They don't seem to get that far, but then Grandad totes sees Scott and CrazAnnie holdin' hands in the hospital, and he thinks that's fishy. See Scott was going to be all, "My name is Scott, and I'm outta here" but CrazAnnie was all, "No, Scott, I need you" and Grandad saw all that holding hands and looking at each other. Gosh, you guys, keep your pants on!

Scott? Is there something you'd like to tell us?

Friday 11/13:
CrazAnnie goes to the hospital, since she "lost the baby" and Laves pops out and he's all "You're totes not preggers" and she's like, "You're such a jerk!" and he's like, "I know you are but what am I?" and she's like, "Sticks and stones . . . I don't feel good," and faints. For reals. Not faking. She faints.

Zach wants Junior to help put Grandad in jail, but Junior doesn't want none o' Zach's drama. Zach just wants his wife back. Liza A$$ Off thinks Zach should take a chill pill.

At ye olde inn, turns out Hottie Inn Keeper and Secret Aidan Man have now been intercepting those chat room messages, so Secret Aidan Man can get in Kendall's pants. Hottie Inn Keeper ups the stakes and sends a message to Kendall from "Zach" and it's all, "Liza and I hung out last night and yadda yadda yadda now I'm tired." Kendall is so not happy with this and Secret Aidan Man boozes her up and she takes an angry nap and has angry dreams about Liza A$$ Off and Zach doin' it.

Speaking of doin' it, Real Preggers and Dr. David Baby Stealer are totally going to have the sex to make a baby. He swears on Barbados Baby that he won't tell Funny Doc about the funny business. I kind of think you might need something stronger than a swear on a baby, Real Preggers. I suggest a legal contract or like, a kidney in return or something. This is Dr. David Baby Stealer we're talking about.

CrazAnnie wakes up, and Funny Doc had totes done her examination while she was unconcious (which seems incredibly inappropriate) and turns out she was actually pregnant!

Scott?????? What did you do????

How to make a baby. And not.

Today's episode is all about keeping families and people together. Except you, Colby.

Thursday 11/12:
Yeah dude, Grandad thinks CrazAnnie's pregnant. This is a problem because girlfriend is very much not pregnant. Grandad kinda walks in on a secret convo between Craz and Scott about how she's so not preggers, but they flip it on him and make him think it's about getting custody of Emma. So then Grandad calls up his mafia lawyers and, well, you can see where this is going.

Dr. David Baby Stealer and Real Preggers have a very important fertility appointment out of town. Dr. David Baby Stealer has to take a short cut through the dark woody woods, and oh oh oh, wait a minute, they run out of gas. Darn, the tow truck can't come til tomorrow morning. Hmmmmm. What to do? Guess this means they'll just have to have the sex to make a baby instead!

Junior wants to get Grandad committed 'cuz he's acting all funny. Not funny "ha ha" but funny like, "he didn't sign a prenup when he married CrazAnnie." And he killed someone. Liza A$$ Off says you can't just go and commit people. She would know because she's a lawyer. You should try though, Junior, because if it works, I have a whole list I'd like to submit for commit-ance.

With CrazAnnie all Fake Preggers, she needs to find a way to be Real Not Preggers, stat. She wants Scott to throw her down the stairs, but he reminds her that he's a lover, not a fighter, so she throws herself down the stair and oops, may have lost that pretend baby!

Laves is psychic and knew she would do this, so he and Erica Kane (who are going steady now!) are perched at hospital, ready for that Fake Baby Losing CrazAnnie and they're totes going to get a confession or something. For the love of Pete, you guys, evvvvverrryyyyoonnneee in Pine Valley knows Adam killed Stuart. Can we just forget about this whole thing, because I kind of don't really give a rat's a-word anymore. Let's focus on the things that matter. Like Greenlee.

And seeing Aidan shirtless.

Pine Valley? More like Pine Screwy!!

Let's just ponder this photo for a moment, shall we? Reflect on this. It's only a matter of time before this glorious hunk of man is ripped away from us.

Sorry I was gone. I was busy getting the best tattoo ever. By now I bet you've seen Tuesday's and Wednesday's episodes, so I won't bore you with a recap. (Plus getting a tattoo is hard work and I am very tired.)

I will say one thing though: Pine Valley is one mixed up town!!

This one's pregnant, that one's not pregnant. This one's dead, this one ain't dead. This one loves that one, but that one loves this other one.

And for the love of Pete, take that computer away from Kendall!!

Because Hell, Hell is for Chandlers!

Or should I say "Purgatory is for Chandlers."

Monday 11/9:
So while the Yankees were busy ruining my life, I guess CrazAnnie and Grandad tried to get hitched but Laves said a bunch of stuff about Stuart and now Grandad is in the cardiac arrest. He's in the cardiac arrest in Purgatory, to be exact, where Dr. David Devil Baby Stealer and CrazAngel Annie are fighting over his soul. Well, CrazAngel wins out (with a little CPR some help here on Planet Erf by Zach) and Grandad wakes up, totes says "I do" as in "I do not really want to go to Hell" but this is a wedding and that means the deed is done, ya'll! They's are old man and crazy lady now!

Also while my life was being ruined on Friday, Kendall and Secret Aidan Man ended up at some Bed and Breakfast with a hottie Inn Keeper who clearly has some sort of history with Aidan. Who doesn't? She runs out to get milk for coffee (Secret Aidan Man is definitely bad ass enough to drink his black though) and the sheriff, who also has a history with hottie Inn Keeper, stops by. Our little Inn Keeper gets around. You'd think the Sheriff, being law enforcement and all, would be up on this whole fugitive on the run for murder thing, but he's not. He doesn't recognize either of those fools and they get to be on the lam another day. Kendall starts to whine about how much she misses Zach and she wants to IM him and junk, and Secret Aidan Man is like, "For the zillionth time Kendall. NO!" and then he leaves. Don't leave her alone, dude! What does she do? She IMs Zach and she might as well just send the Feds a Google Map of their location. You are the worst fugitive ever, Kendall.

At hospital, everyone in Grandad's family seems to have figured out that he shot Stuart, but dude still won't confess. Partially because he's got that sort evil streak in him, partially because he thinks he's having a baby, and mostly because he's a crazy old coot. CrazAnnie says some nice things to Grandad, and then outside his room Scott find her wedding ring in his pocket and is all, "May I do the honors?" and then slips it on his finger. NO NO NO Scott! That is NOT how that works! I liked you better when you were inventing defective heart valves and not mackin' on your uncle's girl.

Why do you hate me, New York Yankees?

Okay, I get it. People love baseball. And people in NYC LOVE the Yankees.

Now see, I live in New York City and I have many dear and close friends whom I absolutely adore who are, in fact, Yankees fans.

However, I'm originally from Baltimore. Since the month of October in the year of 1996, when the Jeffery Maier Incident occured and the World Series was stolen from the Orioles, I have not been able to enjoy the Yankees. Yeah, whatever, it was like game one of the American League Championship but still, this incident haunts me to this day.

Plus in the world of sports I much prefer football and I kinda don't know anything about the ball they call base.

Still, why New York? Why would you preempt All My Children and instead air a parade with a bunch of drunk people screaming "JETER!!!"? I pay taxes from my well deserved paycheck to this city. Good American dollars. And today you deny me one of the things I love the most- my stories. This, the very day that Grandad and CrazAnnie were to be married. Why ABC? Why hast thou forsaken me?

Alas, once again I shall consult those other recaps. But it's not the same. New York I love you, but you're bringing me down.

Move over Chief, there's a new Chief in town

They're really laying it on thick with the sexy stuff this week, huh? First Funny Doc and Real Preggers, today Junior and Not Babe! Is it hot in herrrrre?

Thursday 11/4:
Dr. Mrs. Police Chief is the new Commander in Chief of Staff of hospital. Well, that was easy. It was like Dr. David Baby Stealer just gave her the job, because he wanted, like, more time to mess with Funny Doc and Real Preggers and break up their marriage. That couldn't be the case, could it?

Junior wakes up super happy he no longer has the cancer. Not Babe's all, "I kinda liked it better when you were dying. It was more fun and stuff." And Junior's like, "You want to break up?" And she's like, "Nah, it's cool. I dig the healthy you, too." And then they do it.

Laves grills Grandad, as one brother killer to another, trying to get a confession, but CrazAnnie's fake pregnancy has him keeping his lips sealed. Plus Scott arrives in time to interrupt any confessin' that may be happening. So this means that Scott knows that Laves knows that Grandad knows he killed Stuart.

Being Commander in Chief of Staff of hospital is hard, as Dr. Mrs. Police Chief finds out on her first day. She also kinda wishes she hadn't been so sneaky about getting the job in the first place, with the blackmailing and stuff. As long you didn't club him with a knick knack, Dr. Mrs. Police Chief, you're fine in my book!

Funny Doc hangs out with Barbados Baby while Real Preggers has her fallopian tubes tested. Barbados Baby is a really great listener, in addition to being the cutest wittle muffin in da whole wide world! Yes he is!!! Turns out getting artificially inseminated is kinda difficult, and it may take longer than 9 months for this whole Dr. David Baby Stealer deal to be over. Gosh, it's like he knew how hard it would be, and that it would strain their relationship if Funny Doc and Real Preggers were apart for a long time. It's like it was his plan or something . . . naaaaaawwwwww.

I got your ringtone right here.

Seriously, Emergency Broadcast System? You choose a critical moment during All My Children to run a test?!! What are you trying to do to me?

Wednesday 11/4:
Grandad is totally bummed that he killed his bro. So bummed that he's totes going to confess. CrazAnnie and Scott (because they're selfish) are like, "Naw dude you can't do that!" and Grandad has one of his heart spells and ends up in the hospital. Now you've done it, CrazAnnie and Scott. I mean, I guess you tried to help him by calling out Dr. David Baby Stealer for all of the drugging, but I feel like ya'lls are more of a problem than a solution. But that's just me.

Kendall can't stop screwing everything up, so she calls Zach . . . who's in jail . . . on a cell phone . . . and kinda talks about everything that's going on. Then there's a gun shot and she hangs up and Zach freaks out and calls Fake Preggers to bail him out.

Secret Aidan Man was only shooting snakes (hence the gun shot) but he's super t.o.'d that Kendall was a huge dummy and called Zach (The Feds, Kendall! The Feds!) So Secret Aidan Man does what I want to do every time my phone rings- he stomps on it.

Grandad's in hospital, and Dr. Mrs. Police Chief runs a test on Grandad's drugs and whatdoyouknow, they're totes not heart meds and instead they're loopy drugs. She tells Dr. David Baby Stealer that she's onto him, and he's like, "Yeah, well, your hubby's in on it too." And she's like, "Okay, fine, I won't turn you in. But you have to do one thing. You have to BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP" And a mother truckin' test of the Emergency Broadcast System mother truckin' covers up what she says. Apparently, I can read lips though, because I'm pretty sure she tells him to step down as Chief of Staff. Go me.

Remember how Real Preggers and Funny Doc aren't allowed to do "it?" Remember? Remember? They really really want you to know this. Since they can't do "it," they hang out on the floor and pretend to do "it" by saying sexy things to each other and they succeed in making me very, very uncomfortable.

Down at hospital Grandad really wants to confess (and Laves and Erica Kane want him to confess too) but CrazAnnie really doesn't want him to confess and she's like, "You can't go to jail because . . . I'm pregnant! LOL!" Fantastic, CrazAnnie. Now YOU'RE fake preggers. Which means I can't call Liza Fake Preggers! There really can only be one fake preggers. Henceforth, I shall call Liza . . . Liza A$$ Off. Yeah!

Oh and Zach goes to the country church and then The Feds show up but Secret Aidan Man and dummy Kendall escape and yadda yadda yadda. Sorry, I was all wrapped up in fake pregnancies.

Speaking of fake fake pregnancies, congratulations to Alicia Minshew on the (for reals) birth of her baby girl!!!!

Church wine and doin' time

The name of my country album is so going to be "Church Wine and Doin' Time." No one steal it, 'kay? I'm talking to you, Internet.

Tuesday 11/3:

I seriously can’t keep track of what Junior decides to bitch about these days. He wants a kid with Not Babe, but then he finds out his buddy from the support group died, so he get super bummed and doesn’t want a baby but instead wants a drink. Luckily, Tad knocks that ish outta his hand, and they all end up at hospital where Junior’s grumpy and then (surprise!) he learns he’s in remission. You better buck up now, Junior. Doctor’s orders.

Grandad’s at Stuart’s grave site and has one a’ them “Hamlet” moments, and Scott and CrazAnnie show up and CrazAnnie snatches the gun just in time for Laves and Erica Kane to pop up. CrazAnnie turns the gun on them, so Grandad goes home and freaking CrazAnnie gets hauled into the station one more time. But see, CrazAnnie didn't never say she killed nobody, and still won’t say so while she’s in the clink. Grandad didn’t never say she killed nobody either, so she gets to leave. Back at da Chandler Crib, Grandad’s like, “How come didn’t you rat on me?” and she’s like, “Because I really love all of that money you have . . I mean you . . . I love you! Hey, look over there!”

Still at the country church, Secret Aidan Man has a big ol’ crush on Kendall. He finds some church wine (Screw top! My kinda church!) so they get tanked and he keeps intercepting all the messages on the lame poetry board from Zach, who’s in jail (Don’t ask me why. Probably for something he didn’t do.).

And at the station God smacks Laves in the head or something, because he realizes maybe Grandude’s the for real murderer instead of CrazAnnie. Well done, Laves. Only took you a year.

Technology: 3, Me: 0

Let me tell you a little story . . .

Yesterday, we here in America did something that we like to call "fall back," meaning Daylight Savings Time kicks in . . . or turns off, I can't remember which. Regardless, all the clocks in the U.S. of A. were supposed to change, including DVRs. Well, yesterday, I made an attempt to switch the lovely DVR clock back, but according to Mr. Paraphrasing Pine Valley (whom, for the record, I love with every fiber of my being, I mean that. Seriously. More than Kendall loves Zach and more than the old JR loved booze), I was "doing it wrong." So he took over the task.

And you guessed it, I taped the news instead of AMC. I have remedied the DVR situation, and have now "done it correctly" and Tuesday All My precious Children will in fact, be recorded. Of this I am certain.

I shall consult some of those regular recaps today. For tomorrow is another day, and then I shall arise anew with DVR clock that is appropriately set. Fare thee well, my friends. And Godspeed. May Daylight Savings Time smile upon you and may your own television programs be recorded to your every hearts desire.

It was a graveyard smash!

Friday 10/30:
It's the day of Monster Mash, ya'll! Everyone's there in the monster finery. There are mummies and vampires galore!

Juno's supposed to be watching little Stuart, since Funny Doc (the mummy) has asked Fake Preggers (Cruella Deville) to keep Dr. David Baby Stealer busy at The Mash. But gee, Juno's Baby Daddy (he's a total douche- that's not his costume, that's just who he is) stops by, and a Mash seems a lot more fun than hanging out with some kid who cries all the time, so she leaves. Yeah, whatever she calls a babysitter, but that is so uncool, Juno.

Tad (Gomez Addams) lets it slip to Krystal (Morticia Addams) that Dr. David Baby Stealer (who's dressed as himself this Halloween, my kinda guy) is forcing Real Preggers to have another baby with him. So Krystal socks him. Happy Halloween!

Grandad and CrazAnnie show up (appropriately as Mr. and Mrs. Frankenstein) at The Mash, and Erica and Laves (who are dress up as a pretty lady and a dude with teeth) pull the old "HELP ME ADAM" written in red paint thing and it freaks him out so they take him home. Guys, Grandad is an old man. With a delicate heart situation. Ya'lls are mean.

The Meanies have also somehow gotten Scott and CrazAnnie stuck in the elevator and she freaks out because she can't breathe and it seems like the Mental Hospital and she kisses Scott. Naturally. Maybe she thought that was how CPR worked.

Back at Chateau Grandbag, Zach has "recreated" the night of Stu's murder, complete with power outages and thunderclap special effects and ZOMG Grandad remembers!

Bippity boppity boo.