Wednesday, meh. Gosh it’s stormy and rainy in NYC! Maybe Greenlee’s coming back!!
Wednesday 7/29:
Daughter Police Chief is doing some policing at Grandad’s house about this whole him getting’ shot business, but something’s not quite right. Something about teacup holder and gunpowder and Police Chief’s like, “Mind your own bees wax, Daughter! You’re fired.” Man, he covers up one murder and he gets all crooked. I don’t like it, Police Chief.
Kendall totes knows Zach shot at Grandad and she’s all, “You’re not the boss of me, Zach! Stop shooting at people! I’m the one that shoots people!” And he’s like, “Whatever, go make me dinner.”
Not Babe visits Fake Preggers at the hospital, and with this whole CrazAnnie in jail thing Fake Preggers thinks it’s a conflict of interest to represent both ladies who are murder suspects. Now. She figures this out NOW! And actually she didn't figure it out, Not Babe did! So Fake Preggers thinks Not Babe should visit CrazAnnie and get the scoop and then she can use that information and whoa whoa whoa whoa Fake Preggers. Not Babe is a law STUDENT. Not a law YER. Fake Preggers’ incompentence never ceases to amaze me.
CrazAnnie’s down at the jailhouse in the only examination room (Why are there all those files in there? That seems really unsafe.) and Scott the Heart Valve Inventor lurves her and thinks she’s telling the truth. She’s a heartbreaker, life taker, hair extension wearer don’t you mess around with CrazAnnie! (Sorry, Pat Benatar.) Not Babe shows up and questions her and now SHE thinks she’s telling the truth. Oh and CrazAnnie knows that Zach shot at Grandad and that Police Chief is in on it. Can’t get anything by her. Thank goodness they didn’t try to do that whole baby swap fake pregnant thing with Annie, it would be over before it started.
Speaking of babies, Funny Doc thinks maybe Amanda shouldn’t be breaking into people’s houses to visit Barbados Baby. And Dr. David Babystealer doesn’t really seem like he wants to steal babies anymore! Weird!
And Erica Kane totally shot Stuart.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I shot a man in Pine Valley . . . turns out it was the wrong one.
We're feeling a little under the weather here at Paraphrasing Pine Valley, so bear with us.
Also, is it just me, or does it sometimes seem like Lavery makes up his own lines?
Tuesday 7/28:
Zach went to Grandad's crib to, you know, shoot at Grandad and then frame CrazAnnie for doin' it. This seems to work, as CrazAnnie's hot ass is carted off to the Police Station, and everyone's lauding Junior for being some sort of genius for not liking her in the first place.
It starts to rain and Erica Kane visits Kendall, and they talk about all that awful stuff that happened to Erica way back in the '80s/'90s and how Kendall once said this one guy deserved to be shot and zzzzzzzz . . .
Fake Preggers (who's hair prefectly matches her skin tone these days) is so over this whole baby crying thing that she takes him to the hospital so maybe Funny Doc can shut the thing up. Funny Doc has a JOB, though, as a DOCTOR and she's just gonna have to wait. She's so sleepy that she gives her baby to Dr. David Baby Stealer who gets him to stop crying. It's sweet, really- giving your child to a notorious criminal/drugger/baby stealer. She's my nominee for Mother of the Year 2009!
Police Chief visits Kendall and Zach to tell 'em the good news about CrazAnnie being arrested for the millionth time, and he totes knows that Zach's behind that whole shooting at Grandad thing. Not cool, Zach. Not cool. Emma only wants to talk to her mom, and Grandad's having a heart attack or gout or one of those "old people" diseases, so HE'S at the hospital too. Emma wanders out of her hotel/hospital room (they honestly should put for real doors on those things) and tells Grandad her mom SO didn't kill Stuart.
Okay, people. I may have been wrong about Emma being the murderer, but here's what happened: Erica Kane did it. I didn't even go into the whole "Emma freaks out when Erica's around" dealio in this post. I was onto Erica the second poor old pastel-clad Stuart bit the bullet (literally) and mark my words, she is SO the killer.
Also, is it just me, or does it sometimes seem like Lavery makes up his own lines?
Tuesday 7/28:
Zach went to Grandad's crib to, you know, shoot at Grandad and then frame CrazAnnie for doin' it. This seems to work, as CrazAnnie's hot ass is carted off to the Police Station, and everyone's lauding Junior for being some sort of genius for not liking her in the first place.
It starts to rain and Erica Kane visits Kendall, and they talk about all that awful stuff that happened to Erica way back in the '80s/'90s and how Kendall once said this one guy deserved to be shot and zzzzzzzz . . .
Fake Preggers (who's hair prefectly matches her skin tone these days) is so over this whole baby crying thing that she takes him to the hospital so maybe Funny Doc can shut the thing up. Funny Doc has a JOB, though, as a DOCTOR and she's just gonna have to wait. She's so sleepy that she gives her baby to Dr. David Baby Stealer who gets him to stop crying. It's sweet, really- giving your child to a notorious criminal/drugger/baby stealer. She's my nominee for Mother of the Year 2009!
Police Chief visits Kendall and Zach to tell 'em the good news about CrazAnnie being arrested for the millionth time, and he totes knows that Zach's behind that whole shooting at Grandad thing. Not cool, Zach. Not cool. Emma only wants to talk to her mom, and Grandad's having a heart attack or gout or one of those "old people" diseases, so HE'S at the hospital too. Emma wanders out of her hotel/hospital room (they honestly should put for real doors on those things) and tells Grandad her mom SO didn't kill Stuart.
Okay, people. I may have been wrong about Emma being the murderer, but here's what happened: Erica Kane did it. I didn't even go into the whole "Emma freaks out when Erica's around" dealio in this post. I was onto Erica the second poor old pastel-clad Stuart bit the bullet (literally) and mark my words, she is SO the killer.
Monday, July 27, 2009
MARRY ME! Or I'll kill you. Because I'm insane.
Tad made a joke about the Orioles! Wha?
Monday 7/27:
So Emma's "traumatized" by all those crazy adults bugging her and junk. So she shuts down and won't talk to no one. Lavery's totes not helping the situation, what with him being Lavery and all. Funny Doc can't even make her talk! Gosh!
Barbados Baby won't stop his incessant crying (again, that kid is always with the crying!) so Tad asks Blondie to rub her bosoms on him. Apparently Barbados Baby is already a boob man? Also, this is really creepy Tad. Real Preggers misses her baby so she decides to break into Blondie's house. Again, proving that no one in Pine Valley ever uses a door. Ever.
Speaking of babies, turns out God kills them when you cover up a murder. So He kills Randi's baby. Mitten's whines about his hands and Police Chief is broken up about the situation and Mrs. Dr. Police Chief's hair STILL looks like crap. Please, she's a nice lady, she's a pretty lady, can someone fix it?
Grandad's been videotaping Annie this whole time (because he "likes gadgets" mmm hmmm) and he's a little concerned with how, ahem, interested Annie is with marrying him. So she proposes to him, and he says no. And she's like, "Well, see this one time someone tried to not marry me, and I held him at gun point, and then I stabbed someone and then when some other people were getting married, I broke out of the nuthouse and held some more people at gun point, and . . . well, you should probably do what's best for everyone and just marry me. It'll be a lot easier that way."
Back at the hospital, they send in Marie Osmond, Child Psychiatrist, who says that Emma is "fragile" and "shouldn't be pushed too hard," but The New D.A. is just as mean as the Dead D.A. and he demands that she draw a picture for him about the night of Stuart's murder. So Emma writes "Mommy" on the chalk board behind her hospital bed (what a cool feature in a hospital room!) and he's like, "I said draw a picture, you follow directions as well as your father. Gosh, I guess it works."
Kendall REALLY wants to go to jail for Stuart's murder and Zach tells her she's crazy loco and to think about the boys so he grabs a gun a goes to Grandad's crib to shoot someone or something. Because no one can actually do anything the legal way in this town, and they all let their fists do the . . . fisting.
Monday 7/27:
So Emma's "traumatized" by all those crazy adults bugging her and junk. So she shuts down and won't talk to no one. Lavery's totes not helping the situation, what with him being Lavery and all. Funny Doc can't even make her talk! Gosh!
Barbados Baby won't stop his incessant crying (again, that kid is always with the crying!) so Tad asks Blondie to rub her bosoms on him. Apparently Barbados Baby is already a boob man? Also, this is really creepy Tad. Real Preggers misses her baby so she decides to break into Blondie's house. Again, proving that no one in Pine Valley ever uses a door. Ever.
Speaking of babies, turns out God kills them when you cover up a murder. So He kills Randi's baby. Mitten's whines about his hands and Police Chief is broken up about the situation and Mrs. Dr. Police Chief's hair STILL looks like crap. Please, she's a nice lady, she's a pretty lady, can someone fix it?
Grandad's been videotaping Annie this whole time (because he "likes gadgets" mmm hmmm) and he's a little concerned with how, ahem, interested Annie is with marrying him. So she proposes to him, and he says no. And she's like, "Well, see this one time someone tried to not marry me, and I held him at gun point, and then I stabbed someone and then when some other people were getting married, I broke out of the nuthouse and held some more people at gun point, and . . . well, you should probably do what's best for everyone and just marry me. It'll be a lot easier that way."
Back at the hospital, they send in Marie Osmond, Child Psychiatrist, who says that Emma is "fragile" and "shouldn't be pushed too hard," but The New D.A. is just as mean as the Dead D.A. and he demands that she draw a picture for him about the night of Stuart's murder. So Emma writes "Mommy" on the chalk board behind her hospital bed (what a cool feature in a hospital room!) and he's like, "I said draw a picture, you follow directions as well as your father. Gosh, I guess it works."
Kendall REALLY wants to go to jail for Stuart's murder and Zach tells her she's crazy loco and to think about the boys so he grabs a gun a goes to Grandad's crib to shoot someone or something. Because no one can actually do anything the legal way in this town, and they all let their fists do the . . . fisting.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Happy Birthday Everybody!
Hi lovely Pine Valley enthusiasts! Paraphrasing is going on a short hiatus, on account of a birthday- MINE! I shall return on Monday with a fresh new recap for you.
Have a great weekend. Hug a 30 year old today!
xoxo,
Melody
Have a great weekend. Hug a 30 year old today!
xoxo,
Melody
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Kid Shenanigans
Total eclipse of insanity! I think that eclipse in India totes messed up my noggin'! What about you?
Wednesday 7/22:
The Babarbados Baby gang is taken off guard when Fake Preggers shows up at Tad's house, askin' him all 'bout Stuart's murder. They've got to hide that baby quick, cuz Fake Preggers just can't know that she didn't actually rob another mother her child. We can't let that cat out of the bag. Tad vamps (LOL!) and she leaves.
Lavery's decided to run away with Emma to . . . someone's house? I have no idea where they are. Erica's there, because she's ALWAYS there with Lavery, so it could be her pad, but it's not her tacky wallpaper. Curious. Anyhoo, Kendall's Ryan Radar takes her to him and she's all, "Emma, you're mom's a f*&@ing psycho! You're such a f&$#ing liar! You little piece of s*%t! I'm Kendall Slater, b*%$h!! No one f@#ks with Kendall f$*&ing Slater!!! NO ONNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!!" Okay, so not really but she's totally T.O.'d that Emma's "lying" because she "misses" her "mommy."
D.A. (Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout) Willis finds out that Lavery skipped town with the all-star witness and he's totally up Police Chief's a-word about the whole thing. Police Chief visits CrazAnnie, who acts kinda weird and crazy (because she's CRAZY) and he's like"It's cool, I believe you." and CrazAnnie doesn't kill him. Good for you Annie, glad you could hold back this one time.
Funny Doc and Amanda have decided to leave Barbados Baby with Sgt. Blondie, which is totally safe, given the fact that the woman hasn't ever a: taken care of a baby, b: changed a damn diaper or c: TAKEN CARE OF A BABY! Tad decides to step in and help her out, which is really just an excuse for him sing a lullaby. Incorrect lyrics to a lullaby, I might add.
D.A. Willis is puttin' the pressure on Fake Preggers, since her client's ex-lover baby daddy essentially kidnapped the key witness to prevent her from testifying, so she visits Zach and Kendall and decides the best solution to this problem is to feed more lies to the little girl. Good luck with that baby of yours, Fake Preggers.
Wednesday 7/22:
The Babarbados Baby gang is taken off guard when Fake Preggers shows up at Tad's house, askin' him all 'bout Stuart's murder. They've got to hide that baby quick, cuz Fake Preggers just can't know that she didn't actually rob another mother her child. We can't let that cat out of the bag. Tad vamps (LOL!) and she leaves.
Lavery's decided to run away with Emma to . . . someone's house? I have no idea where they are. Erica's there, because she's ALWAYS there with Lavery, so it could be her pad, but it's not her tacky wallpaper. Curious. Anyhoo, Kendall's Ryan Radar takes her to him and she's all, "Emma, you're mom's a f*&@ing psycho! You're such a f&$#ing liar! You little piece of s*%t! I'm Kendall Slater, b*%$h!! No one f@#ks with Kendall f$*&ing Slater!!! NO ONNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!!" Okay, so not really but she's totally T.O.'d that Emma's "lying" because she "misses" her "mommy."
D.A. (Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout) Willis finds out that Lavery skipped town with the all-star witness and he's totally up Police Chief's a-word about the whole thing. Police Chief visits CrazAnnie, who acts kinda weird and crazy (because she's CRAZY) and he's like"It's cool, I believe you." and CrazAnnie doesn't kill him. Good for you Annie, glad you could hold back this one time.
Funny Doc and Amanda have decided to leave Barbados Baby with Sgt. Blondie, which is totally safe, given the fact that the woman hasn't ever a: taken care of a baby, b: changed a damn diaper or c: TAKEN CARE OF A BABY! Tad decides to step in and help her out, which is really just an excuse for him sing a lullaby. Incorrect lyrics to a lullaby, I might add.
D.A. Willis is puttin' the pressure on Fake Preggers, since her client's ex-lover baby daddy essentially kidnapped the key witness to prevent her from testifying, so she visits Zach and Kendall and decides the best solution to this problem is to feed more lies to the little girl. Good luck with that baby of yours, Fake Preggers.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Everybody confess now!!
It's Tuesday, ya'll!! Here's what happened yesterday: Emma lied about seeing Kendall shoot Stuart, Kendall confesses to shooting Stuart (confession is a popular past time in the Slater household) and JR's STILL icked out that Grandad is banging CrazAnnie. Clearly, we made no progress on Monday.
But it's Tuesday, ya'll!!
Tuesday 7/21:
Funny Doc and Amanda decide to steal back Barbados Baby from the old lady and take him to Tad's house. So now Tad knows about the baby switcheroo and Taylor stops by so she knows, and she offers to babysit, though the woman don't know how to change a damn diaper. Lady, you don't know what you're in for.
CrazAnnie takes off her velcro house arrest ankle bracelet, so she can get Alive D.A.'s attention or something (cuz you know a regular phone call just doesn't make enough of a statement). He comes over and CrazAnnie decides to bargain her daughter's testimony against Kendall for droppin' all those other charges of murder and junk from a few months ago. Those Lavery's are superior parents! New D.A.'s all, "Yeah sure whatever I just want that First Degree! I just want to be a star!!"
J.R. and Not Babe sit outside and talk about nothing, absolutely nothing. No seriously, nothing! NOTHING!
Kendall's decided to accept a plea for something less than first degree murder, but forgot to call "no take backs" because the New D.A. decided to go for the big ol' murder charge after that meeting with CrazAnnie and Grandad! Then Zach chokes him and Marion comes outta nowhere slaps Kendall and we all breathe a sigh of relief.
Grandad decides to visit Alive D.A. who gives him a giant, well, maybe medium-sized, envelope of all these reports that prove that CrazAnnie is actually crazy. That kinda seems like it would be evidence . . . or you know, confidential to the mental hospital she was in.
CrazAnnie has a weird fantasty about marrying Grandad while wearing a giant crown and then beating Kendall with a fireplace poker (her weapon of choice, apparently). It turns out that she kinda probably killed Stuart (Booo!) and then used mind control to make Emma unsee the fact that she did this. I wish CrazAnnie would mind control me, there's a lot of stuff I'd like to unsee. Like that guy who vomited on a super crowded 7 train on New Year's Eve 2005. And "The DaVinci Code."
But it's Tuesday, ya'll!!
Tuesday 7/21:
Funny Doc and Amanda decide to steal back Barbados Baby from the old lady and take him to Tad's house. So now Tad knows about the baby switcheroo and Taylor stops by so she knows, and she offers to babysit, though the woman don't know how to change a damn diaper. Lady, you don't know what you're in for.
CrazAnnie takes off her velcro house arrest ankle bracelet, so she can get Alive D.A.'s attention or something (cuz you know a regular phone call just doesn't make enough of a statement). He comes over and CrazAnnie decides to bargain her daughter's testimony against Kendall for droppin' all those other charges of murder and junk from a few months ago. Those Lavery's are superior parents! New D.A.'s all, "Yeah sure whatever I just want that First Degree! I just want to be a star!!"
J.R. and Not Babe sit outside and talk about nothing, absolutely nothing. No seriously, nothing! NOTHING!
Kendall's decided to accept a plea for something less than first degree murder, but forgot to call "no take backs" because the New D.A. decided to go for the big ol' murder charge after that meeting with CrazAnnie and Grandad! Then Zach chokes him and Marion comes outta nowhere slaps Kendall and we all breathe a sigh of relief.
Grandad decides to visit Alive D.A. who gives him a giant, well, maybe medium-sized, envelope of all these reports that prove that CrazAnnie is actually crazy. That kinda seems like it would be evidence . . . or you know, confidential to the mental hospital she was in.
CrazAnnie has a weird fantasty about marrying Grandad while wearing a giant crown and then beating Kendall with a fireplace poker (her weapon of choice, apparently). It turns out that she kinda probably killed Stuart (Booo!) and then used mind control to make Emma unsee the fact that she did this. I wish CrazAnnie would mind control me, there's a lot of stuff I'd like to unsee. Like that guy who vomited on a super crowded 7 train on New Year's Eve 2005. And "The DaVinci Code."
Friday, July 17, 2009
TGI just want my kids back.
You'd think there'd be at least 1 hairdresser in Pine Valley- everyone needs a haircut these days! Just an observation.
Friday 7/17:
You remember that super old lady who's Barbados Baby's new mommy? She didn't actually adopt him. Guess she's just "borrowing" him until Amanda wants him back, which is right now. Boy, does she want him back.
Emma's everyone's favorite/least favorite person, since she holds the key to who shot Stuart, because she, you know, shot Stuart, even though she's telling everyone Kendall did it. Emma calls CrazAnnie at Grandad's house, but Lavery totes interrupts the convo. Gosh Lavery, mind your own bees wax, a 7 year old needs her privacy! CrazAnnie decides to use Aiden's anklet ramming, I mean "jamming" device and go visit her daughter . . . while wearing a nightie. I understand that Annie's all sexy now, but can we put at least one actual article of clothing on this woman? All I see are bathing suits and robes.
Kendall tells a hilarious story about raw eggs with her sons, Heart Valve and the other one . . . I mean, I'm assuming it was hilarious. She laughed and stuff, but I couldn't hear it because every scene with those kids is a symphony of banging toys and babbling. I think we're supposed to feel sorry for her? I dunno.
Fake Preggers visits Grandad's house to talk to CrazAnnie, and totes figures out Crazy ain't there, which puts Lavery in a tizzy, and Kendall, I'm guessing, confesses to killing Stuart but I think we're supposed to think that Crazy did it.
Oh and Junior is SOOOOOO grossed out that Grandad is going to marry fine young scantily clad crazy chick. TGIF!
Not that much to report in this episode. Honestly, this was a little kid heavy, and whenever one of those little rugrats comes on screen I pretty much tune out. They're cute and all, but they're no Haley Joel Osments.
*Bonus points for anyone who caught an Arrested Development reference in this posting!
Friday 7/17:
You remember that super old lady who's Barbados Baby's new mommy? She didn't actually adopt him. Guess she's just "borrowing" him until Amanda wants him back, which is right now. Boy, does she want him back.
Emma's everyone's favorite/least favorite person, since she holds the key to who shot Stuart, because she, you know, shot Stuart, even though she's telling everyone Kendall did it. Emma calls CrazAnnie at Grandad's house, but Lavery totes interrupts the convo. Gosh Lavery, mind your own bees wax, a 7 year old needs her privacy! CrazAnnie decides to use Aiden's anklet ramming, I mean "jamming" device and go visit her daughter . . . while wearing a nightie. I understand that Annie's all sexy now, but can we put at least one actual article of clothing on this woman? All I see are bathing suits and robes.
Kendall tells a hilarious story about raw eggs with her sons, Heart Valve and the other one . . . I mean, I'm assuming it was hilarious. She laughed and stuff, but I couldn't hear it because every scene with those kids is a symphony of banging toys and babbling. I think we're supposed to feel sorry for her? I dunno.
Fake Preggers visits Grandad's house to talk to CrazAnnie, and totes figures out Crazy ain't there, which puts Lavery in a tizzy, and Kendall, I'm guessing, confesses to killing Stuart but I think we're supposed to think that Crazy did it.
Oh and Junior is SOOOOOO grossed out that Grandad is going to marry fine young scantily clad crazy chick. TGIF!
Not that much to report in this episode. Honestly, this was a little kid heavy, and whenever one of those little rugrats comes on screen I pretty much tune out. They're cute and all, but they're no Haley Joel Osments.
*Bonus points for anyone who caught an Arrested Development reference in this posting!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I don't care what you say, Emma killed Stuart.
From yesterday: so, Baby Stealer's not stealin' babies no more, cuz' the DNA from Fake Preggers' baby ain't his. Madison totes has it out for Randi (watch out, Randi, she's wicked with a knick knack), and Emma "claims" she saw Kendall shoot Stuart, when she really means, "I shot Stuart, because I'm evil."
Okay, onto today!
Thursday 7/16:
Turns out Funny Doc ain't just funny, he's also smart and totes knew Baby Stealer would interfere with the baby swap. He somehow found another baby and Barbados Baby is for reals with a family on Little House on the Prairie.
CrazAnnie is totally slutting it up for Grandad these days, because she lurves him. Tell me why you didn't do that for your super hot bf with the sexy accent? Huh? New D.A. visits Chateau Grandad to get some lawtastic evidence against Kendall, but all he finds is a loving couple and 2 Chandler spawn who are super grossed out at the whole situation. Me too, boys. Me too.
Erica Kane is so not down with Fake Preggers representin' Kendall, because she's just going to throw the case and she wants to bang Zach. And how is this different from you wanting to bang Lavery, Erica Kane? Fake Preggers is too busy doing lawyer junk to worry about Zach though. She's busy calling child therahypnologists who don't seem to understand patient-doctor confidentiality and go blabbin' 'bout how the (Now Dead) D.A. wanted to know if childrens of crazy parents will also be crazy. Answer = maybe.
Emma's busy telling everyone that Kendall killed Stuart, and Funny Doc takes Amanda to the Little House on the Prairie to stalk Barbados Baby. And Barbados Baby's new mommy is hella old, yo. Like, for reals.
This week (which I'm assuming means tomorrow?)- someone confesses to Stuart's murder!!!
Okay, onto today!
Thursday 7/16:
Turns out Funny Doc ain't just funny, he's also smart and totes knew Baby Stealer would interfere with the baby swap. He somehow found another baby and Barbados Baby is for reals with a family on Little House on the Prairie.
CrazAnnie is totally slutting it up for Grandad these days, because she lurves him. Tell me why you didn't do that for your super hot bf with the sexy accent? Huh? New D.A. visits Chateau Grandad to get some lawtastic evidence against Kendall, but all he finds is a loving couple and 2 Chandler spawn who are super grossed out at the whole situation. Me too, boys. Me too.
Erica Kane is so not down with Fake Preggers representin' Kendall, because she's just going to throw the case and she wants to bang Zach. And how is this different from you wanting to bang Lavery, Erica Kane? Fake Preggers is too busy doing lawyer junk to worry about Zach though. She's busy calling child therahypnologists who don't seem to understand patient-doctor confidentiality and go blabbin' 'bout how the (Now Dead) D.A. wanted to know if childrens of crazy parents will also be crazy. Answer = maybe.
Emma's busy telling everyone that Kendall killed Stuart, and Funny Doc takes Amanda to the Little House on the Prairie to stalk Barbados Baby. And Barbados Baby's new mommy is hella old, yo. Like, for reals.
This week (which I'm assuming means tomorrow?)- someone confesses to Stuart's murder!!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Gosh, just steal that baby already!!
Happy Bastille Day, y'all!!
Tuesday 7/14:
Goodness gracious, finally looks like people are coming to their senses in Pine Valley!
Police Chief has a big old press conference, where he lies through his teeth, while Baby Stealer goes to a private lab to get that Barbados Baby vomit DNA tested. Turns out Tad has figured all this out . . . cuz he's a detective. Oh, right, did ANY of us remember that guy had a job before he was shot in the head and his occupation became community comedian?
Fake Preggers (aka Liza ass off! OH! Get it? Lies her . . . nevermind) visits Kendall to, I dunno, help her with the whole "Kendall Being on Trial" thingy and makes her cry and Zach gets mad. Golly!! Zach is such a grumpy Gus these days!
PARTY AT THE POLICE STATION! Police Chief and Madison and Zach (I think he was there, he's in pretty much every scene these days) all talk about her rapist husband and how she's got security tapes but she destroyed them and some whore actually killed him (but not really) and can she please have her life insurance settlement now?
PARTY IN FAKE PREGGERS ROOM!! Colby can't get that stupid baby to shut the heck up (Whatever you do, do not shake Barbados Baby, Colby. If I've learned one thing from NYC subway ads, it's to never shake a baby. Also, Dr. Zizmor can clear your skin up.) Not Babe shows up to work her creepy "magic" on the baby (the Baby Stealer's apple doesn't fall far from the Baby Stealer's tree, know what I mean?), and then Amanda shows up and wants to hold the thing and dammit, Colby, you're an idiot. If Fake Preggers thinks Baby Stealer is going to come steal the baby, and told you not to let him into the house, don't you think the same thing might apply to the mother of his child? Yeesh.
Baby Stealer's all sorts of pissed off 'bout the DNA tests being late at the hospital, bumps into Brot and acts like a jerk. So Brot quits. I would too, man, that guy's mean. Oh and yes, we care again about Blondie and Brot, 'cept she's having "meetings" with Thaddeus, which makes me actually care less about her.
Mrs. Dr. Police Chief is super suspicious of the way Police Chief is actin', Amanda suspects Fake Pregger's baby might be her own stupid baby, Kendall loves Zach so they make out and the DNA results are in! YAY!
Tuesday 7/14:
Goodness gracious, finally looks like people are coming to their senses in Pine Valley!
Police Chief has a big old press conference, where he lies through his teeth, while Baby Stealer goes to a private lab to get that Barbados Baby vomit DNA tested. Turns out Tad has figured all this out . . . cuz he's a detective. Oh, right, did ANY of us remember that guy had a job before he was shot in the head and his occupation became community comedian?
Fake Preggers (aka Liza ass off! OH! Get it? Lies her . . . nevermind) visits Kendall to, I dunno, help her with the whole "Kendall Being on Trial" thingy and makes her cry and Zach gets mad. Golly!! Zach is such a grumpy Gus these days!
PARTY AT THE POLICE STATION! Police Chief and Madison and Zach (I think he was there, he's in pretty much every scene these days) all talk about her rapist husband and how she's got security tapes but she destroyed them and some whore actually killed him (but not really) and can she please have her life insurance settlement now?
PARTY IN FAKE PREGGERS ROOM!! Colby can't get that stupid baby to shut the heck up (Whatever you do, do not shake Barbados Baby, Colby. If I've learned one thing from NYC subway ads, it's to never shake a baby. Also, Dr. Zizmor can clear your skin up.) Not Babe shows up to work her creepy "magic" on the baby (the Baby Stealer's apple doesn't fall far from the Baby Stealer's tree, know what I mean?), and then Amanda shows up and wants to hold the thing and dammit, Colby, you're an idiot. If Fake Preggers thinks Baby Stealer is going to come steal the baby, and told you not to let him into the house, don't you think the same thing might apply to the mother of his child? Yeesh.
Baby Stealer's all sorts of pissed off 'bout the DNA tests being late at the hospital, bumps into Brot and acts like a jerk. So Brot quits. I would too, man, that guy's mean. Oh and yes, we care again about Blondie and Brot, 'cept she's having "meetings" with Thaddeus, which makes me actually care less about her.
Mrs. Dr. Police Chief is super suspicious of the way Police Chief is actin', Amanda suspects Fake Pregger's baby might be her own stupid baby, Kendall loves Zach so they make out and the DNA results are in! YAY!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Hooray for lawyers!
I just want to say this- I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that if you're doing the old "drying out your soaked Blackberry with rice" thing, you need more than 1/2 an inch of rice. Just had to get that off my chest.
Monday 7/13
After the unfortunate sprinkler incident, Lavery and Erica decide to get half naked and dry her blackberry out in a 1/2 inch of rice. Those 2 are regular old MacGyvers. Kendall walks in, and Erica's all, "But honey, he was just putting his rice on my Blackberry! It means nothing!" Kendall's grossed out and sad and defaces a poster of her mom back at Fusionation Cosmetical Incorporation. (i.e. She throws it on the ground. Come on, Kendall, you're angrier than that!)
Madison gives Zach the dead D.A.'s magic suitcase of evidence against Kendall, and he then gives that ish to Fake Preggers and is all, "You're going to be my wife's lawyer. Oh and I know that baby ain't yours, bitch." Needless to say, girlfriend takes the case. I wonder how CrazAnnie is going to take that news.
Baby Stealer is totally convinced that Barbados Baby is his and he really wants to steal it, so he enlists Not Babe to help him out because she's, you know, a massuese/almost a lawyer. She's stoked to help him out, because it's totally creepy how Funny Doc and Fake Preggers are acting. Also she's kind of in love with her father. Plus she's a massuese/kinda sorta going to be a lawyer.
Not Babe visits Fake Preggers and Colby, and they take Barbados Baby for a walk. Colby's all, "Man it was so neato how when Barbados Baby was born, he wasn't wrinkly or icky and he was wearing a hat!" Not Babe's lawyer sense kicks in, and she knows that something's afoot. Glad all that lawyer school money ain't going to waste.
CrazAnnie goes swimming and Police Chief shows up, cuz they totes thought she was running away (can you swim with those things on?) He tries to grill her and make her confess to Stuart's murder and she's all, "Dude, Grandad's got the hots for me, and we're totes getting married and then I'm going to become a princess and ride a unicorn and have a dress made of fairy hair and rubies and I shall rule this land. I'LL be the police chief, Police Chief! You'll see!!!"
And oh yeah, sometime during all of this Funny Doc thought it would be a great idea to have a DNA test on Barbados Baby, and he'll fake it so he can get Baby Stealer off his back. That's the problem with you Pine Valley folks, you think you're better than science.
Speaking of DNA, turns out that Barbados Baby's vomit on Not Babe's sweater is SO going to prove that Baby Stealer can rightfully steal him!!! Hooray!
Monday 7/13
After the unfortunate sprinkler incident, Lavery and Erica decide to get half naked and dry her blackberry out in a 1/2 inch of rice. Those 2 are regular old MacGyvers. Kendall walks in, and Erica's all, "But honey, he was just putting his rice on my Blackberry! It means nothing!" Kendall's grossed out and sad and defaces a poster of her mom back at Fusionation Cosmetical Incorporation. (i.e. She throws it on the ground. Come on, Kendall, you're angrier than that!)
Madison gives Zach the dead D.A.'s magic suitcase of evidence against Kendall, and he then gives that ish to Fake Preggers and is all, "You're going to be my wife's lawyer. Oh and I know that baby ain't yours, bitch." Needless to say, girlfriend takes the case. I wonder how CrazAnnie is going to take that news.
Baby Stealer is totally convinced that Barbados Baby is his and he really wants to steal it, so he enlists Not Babe to help him out because she's, you know, a massuese/almost a lawyer. She's stoked to help him out, because it's totally creepy how Funny Doc and Fake Preggers are acting. Also she's kind of in love with her father. Plus she's a massuese/kinda sorta going to be a lawyer.
Not Babe visits Fake Preggers and Colby, and they take Barbados Baby for a walk. Colby's all, "Man it was so neato how when Barbados Baby was born, he wasn't wrinkly or icky and he was wearing a hat!" Not Babe's lawyer sense kicks in, and she knows that something's afoot. Glad all that lawyer school money ain't going to waste.
CrazAnnie goes swimming and Police Chief shows up, cuz they totes thought she was running away (can you swim with those things on?) He tries to grill her and make her confess to Stuart's murder and she's all, "Dude, Grandad's got the hots for me, and we're totes getting married and then I'm going to become a princess and ride a unicorn and have a dress made of fairy hair and rubies and I shall rule this land. I'LL be the police chief, Police Chief! You'll see!!!"
And oh yeah, sometime during all of this Funny Doc thought it would be a great idea to have a DNA test on Barbados Baby, and he'll fake it so he can get Baby Stealer off his back. That's the problem with you Pine Valley folks, you think you're better than science.
Speaking of DNA, turns out that Barbados Baby's vomit on Not Babe's sweater is SO going to prove that Baby Stealer can rightfully steal him!!! Hooray!
Slackin' on Pine Valley
Sorry for slacking on Friday's episode, kids! Things are a little busy this week in Pine Valley Paraphrasin' land, but I will for certain do my best to keep you updated.
As far as I can figure, on Friday we learned some very important lessons. Hayward (though a baby stealer) is the smartest person in Pine Valley, it's exhausting to cover up the fact that you essentially sold your wife's baby to someone in the same damn town and it's equally exhausting to cover up the murder of a rapey District Attorney. All things I will keep in mind in the future.
As far as I can figure, on Friday we learned some very important lessons. Hayward (though a baby stealer) is the smartest person in Pine Valley, it's exhausting to cover up the fact that you essentially sold your wife's baby to someone in the same damn town and it's equally exhausting to cover up the murder of a rapey District Attorney. All things I will keep in mind in the future.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
OH BABY!!!
What a bunch of babies!! No, seriously. There's a bunch of babies talked about in this episode.
Thursday 7/9
Amanda is feeling super down about her baby, so Funny Doc takes her to some sort of hypno psycho therapologist to make it all better. You know the baby she's sad about- the one who lives in her house and she DOESN'T RECOGNIZE!
At the only restaurant in town, Baby Stealer and Krystal and Erica and Jackson are all in love with and/or annoyed with each other. Or something. I dunno, it doesn't matter. Fake Preggers walks in with one of those $5,000 baby holders with wheels and is all, "Hey, Erica, step off. Crazy Annie may be crazy but she ain't no killer. Well, she kinda is, but she didn't kill Stuart. So STEP OFF I say." Barbados Baby starts to cry fever tears, and Baby Stealer knows that baby is sick, man, and not in like a "90s slang way," but in like a "he should be checked out by a guy with medical schooling" kind of way. Fake Preggers, for sure, doesn't want Baby Stealer looking at her baby, cuz he's way smarter than Amanda, so she takes him to the hospital instead. Maybe this is why you don't have your own damn baby, Liza. Your parenting skills are lacking.
Police Chief and Randi are both all torn up about the murder cover up for the murder they didn't commit and Randi is pregnant!! Wait,what . . . yay? Maybe she can give her baby to Amanda- she won't know the difference anyhow, and perhaps it'll cheer her the f up. Or maybe Randi just made that up because fake pregnancies cure everything. (My vote.)
Meanwhile, Zach (a.k.a. Greased Lightning) has been able to yell at Lavery, go to the casino, go to D.C., yell at Randi and go back to D.C. all in the span of an hour. And boy are his arms tired.
Down at the hospital, turns out Liza's baby isn't dying or anything, but it's pretty weird how she won't let anyone look at him 'cept Funny Doc. Hayward's like, "You know, everyone thinks I like to steal babies, but you, Funny Doc, you're always all up in babies' faces. What gives?" OH SNAP!!
Lavery and Erica totes want to do it with each other (and by "do it" I mean "sell Pilates equipment"), and turns out lighting a lawyer on fire, throwing him in his rental car and pushing said car into a lake isn't the best way to cover up a murder you didn't commit. Thanks for the tip, All My Children.
Thursday 7/9
Amanda is feeling super down about her baby, so Funny Doc takes her to some sort of hypno psycho therapologist to make it all better. You know the baby she's sad about- the one who lives in her house and she DOESN'T RECOGNIZE!
At the only restaurant in town, Baby Stealer and Krystal and Erica and Jackson are all in love with and/or annoyed with each other. Or something. I dunno, it doesn't matter. Fake Preggers walks in with one of those $5,000 baby holders with wheels and is all, "Hey, Erica, step off. Crazy Annie may be crazy but she ain't no killer. Well, she kinda is, but she didn't kill Stuart. So STEP OFF I say." Barbados Baby starts to cry fever tears, and Baby Stealer knows that baby is sick, man, and not in like a "90s slang way," but in like a "he should be checked out by a guy with medical schooling" kind of way. Fake Preggers, for sure, doesn't want Baby Stealer looking at her baby, cuz he's way smarter than Amanda, so she takes him to the hospital instead. Maybe this is why you don't have your own damn baby, Liza. Your parenting skills are lacking.
Police Chief and Randi are both all torn up about the murder cover up for the murder they didn't commit and Randi is pregnant!! Wait,what . . . yay? Maybe she can give her baby to Amanda- she won't know the difference anyhow, and perhaps it'll cheer her the f up. Or maybe Randi just made that up because fake pregnancies cure everything. (My vote.)
Meanwhile, Zach (a.k.a. Greased Lightning) has been able to yell at Lavery, go to the casino, go to D.C., yell at Randi and go back to D.C. all in the span of an hour. And boy are his arms tired.
Down at the hospital, turns out Liza's baby isn't dying or anything, but it's pretty weird how she won't let anyone look at him 'cept Funny Doc. Hayward's like, "You know, everyone thinks I like to steal babies, but you, Funny Doc, you're always all up in babies' faces. What gives?" OH SNAP!!
Lavery and Erica totes want to do it with each other (and by "do it" I mean "sell Pilates equipment"), and turns out lighting a lawyer on fire, throwing him in his rental car and pushing said car into a lake isn't the best way to cover up a murder you didn't commit. Thanks for the tip, All My Children.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Cover ups and casinos
Annnnnd we're back!
Mrs. Now-Dead D.A. shows back up at the casino, exhausted from killing her husband. Takes a lot out of a girl. You know what helps get my energy back- GAMBLING! Step to it, Madison!
In other gambling news, Not Babe goes to Chandmerica to confess to Junior that’s she’s hot to trot for him, but wait- it’s not Junior sittin’ there, it’s Scott the Heart Valve Inventor! How embarrassing. He sees this as a perfect opportunity to go play some slots. What happened to that mission statement, Scott? Remember how we’re not supposed to be greedy anymore?
Over at da Mansion, Grandad suddenly remembers that . . . wait a minute . . . he saw Annie with the gun, and A-HA! She musta killed Stuart! Nope, no, sorry. He was just testing her. Testing Annie is a popular pastime on AMC.
Mrs. Mittens and Police Chief are freaking out because they think she killed the D.A. Forensics science will disprove this, right? Maybe the 2 sets of finger prints on the eagle knick knack? Eh? Oh right, science doesn’t exist in Pine Valley.
Grandad’s had enough of Kendall and Lavery (me too, Grandad) and he has them “arrested.” And what do you know, Attorney Greenlee’s Daddy comes to the rescue. He always does! Out of the 2 lawyers in Pine Valley, he’s my fav. He’s also totally ticked off the Dynamic Duo insisted on actin’ like jerks and meddling in other people’s bidness. You tell ‘em, Jackson!
Anyhoo, Police Chief is so not happy that Mrs. Mittens told Zach about the whole “D.A. was obsessed with her thing,” he’s also not too thrilled that she decided to take matters in her own hands and now there’s a dead lawyer on the ground. It makes it so much more complicated. Yeesh. Why won’t anyone ever listen to the Police Chief?
CrazAnnie is really really bummed that no one will believe she didn’t kill Stuart, so she decides to put Secret Aiden Man’s ankle bracelet jamming device to work. WAIT! WHAT? Nooooooooo, Annie! You failed the test! Ugh. I have nothing else to say about that. I’m done rooting for you- we mustn’t let Kendall and Lavery think they’re smart. We mustn't.
Wait, wait, false alarm. Annie’s still in her room. Phew.
Junior shows up at the casino (where apparently, he thought his child was), and totally c**k blocks Scott. Yeah, suck it, you charitable pansy! Junior apologies to Not Babe for her not being Babe.
Police Chief and Mrs. Mittens think the best solution to a murder you didn’t commit is to cover it up, Grandad and CrazAnnie kiss and I throw up a little in my mouth.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
AMC goes silent for MJ
No recaps today, on account of the Michael Jackson memorial. I'm okay with this though, he was pretty darn famous and influential. P.Y.T. is my jam!
I also feel like I'll be able to pick up where we left off on Monday. Annie's crazy, D.A.'s still dead, Lavery's pissed off about something. Bring it on.
I also feel like I'll be able to pick up where we left off on Monday. Annie's crazy, D.A.'s still dead, Lavery's pissed off about something. Bring it on.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Death by knick knack
Someone gets killed! And it's not Adam . . . again.
Monday 7/6
Hey, guess what? Erica Kane was NOT choked to death by CrazAnnie. BUT Grandad almost had her arrested. Well, almost doesn't count, Grandad.
Down at ye olde casino, Zach encourages Mrs. D.A. to "speak her mind . . . " and boy does she! More on that later.
Now to the important stuff: so Mrs. Mittens visits Patrick Batemen, D.A. in his fancy schmancy District of Columbia hotel room. He's totes bummed because she won't do it (I mean, "it" it!) with him. He gets all forceful and junk (didn't see that one coming), so she bonks him on the head with an American eagle sculpture (because it's D.C.) and he's out cold. She leaves to call Mittens (who is totally capable of answering a cell phone these days, might I add, so I don't want to hear another complaint from him about his surgeon hands), and then Mrs. D.A. shows up, quotes my new catch phrase*, and bonks the D.A. even harder on the head!! There's blood and junk!! I think I'm going to miss his snappy fashion sense the most.
In a terribly unfortunate turn of events, Mrs. Mittens comes back to Hank's room to get keys or her wallet or her velvet scrunchie, and what do you know, Police Chief shows up, intending to tell the D.A. he's quittin'. So now he's there and it looks like his daughter-in-law killed somebody! Police Chief can't catch a damn break!
Mrs. D.A. aparently owns a jet pack or something, probably government issued, because she was able to go to D.C. from Pine Valley, kill her husband, then show up back at the casino to gamble away more money? You lost me, there, AMC, but whatever.
Kendall visits Ryan, and "needs" him, but doesn't want Zach to know this. Turns out Erica Kane "needs" him too, on account of that crazy beyotch livin' with Grandad. Kendall jumps off the balcony or something (I bet she borrowed Mrs. D.A.'s jet pack) and shows up at Grandad's house! That woman can do a lot in heels.
This week, Grandad remembers who shot Stuart and finally, FINALLY, Amanda figures out Barbardos Baby (who's got his drivers license by now) is HER baby!
*"You make it very hard for me to love you, Madison." Except, she says Henry or Hank or Rapist District Attorney. See, it's catching on!!
Monday 7/6
Hey, guess what? Erica Kane was NOT choked to death by CrazAnnie. BUT Grandad almost had her arrested. Well, almost doesn't count, Grandad.
Down at ye olde casino, Zach encourages Mrs. D.A. to "speak her mind . . . " and boy does she! More on that later.
Now to the important stuff: so Mrs. Mittens visits Patrick Batemen, D.A. in his fancy schmancy District of Columbia hotel room. He's totes bummed because she won't do it (I mean, "it" it!) with him. He gets all forceful and junk (didn't see that one coming), so she bonks him on the head with an American eagle sculpture (because it's D.C.) and he's out cold. She leaves to call Mittens (who is totally capable of answering a cell phone these days, might I add, so I don't want to hear another complaint from him about his surgeon hands), and then Mrs. D.A. shows up, quotes my new catch phrase*, and bonks the D.A. even harder on the head!! There's blood and junk!! I think I'm going to miss his snappy fashion sense the most.
In a terribly unfortunate turn of events, Mrs. Mittens comes back to Hank's room to get keys or her wallet or her velvet scrunchie, and what do you know, Police Chief shows up, intending to tell the D.A. he's quittin'. So now he's there and it looks like his daughter-in-law killed somebody! Police Chief can't catch a damn break!
Mrs. D.A. aparently owns a jet pack or something, probably government issued, because she was able to go to D.C. from Pine Valley, kill her husband, then show up back at the casino to gamble away more money? You lost me, there, AMC, but whatever.
Kendall visits Ryan, and "needs" him, but doesn't want Zach to know this. Turns out Erica Kane "needs" him too, on account of that crazy beyotch livin' with Grandad. Kendall jumps off the balcony or something (I bet she borrowed Mrs. D.A.'s jet pack) and shows up at Grandad's house! That woman can do a lot in heels.
This week, Grandad remembers who shot Stuart and finally, FINALLY, Amanda figures out Barbardos Baby (who's got his drivers license by now) is HER baby!
*"You make it very hard for me to love you, Madison." Except, she says Henry or Hank or Rapist District Attorney. See, it's catching on!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Once a ho, always a ho
THE CHOKING!!
Thursday 7/2
With her court date moved up, Kendall and The Hardy Boys have been running around talking to this person and that person and finally, Police Chief steps in and says, "Hey folks, let's just tell the truth at the trial!" And Kendall's all, "The what?" And he's like, "The truth" and she's like, "The whaaaaaa?"
Patrick Bateman, District Attorney visits Mittens (and his fancy jammies) in the hospital, and tries to make him think his ex-hooker wife is some sort of slut or something. Down at Casa de Mittens, Mrs. Mittens spills it to Zach about the whole D.A. bein' in love with her thing. Zach's like, "Jackpot! Or not, whatever, you never saw me."
Secret Aiden Man gets discovered by Grandad's crack security team, and they totes find the bug! Curses! (Wait, where were they the night all those people were running around the house, killing The Good Twin?) And Mrs. Mittens decides to sacrifice her hot bod for the good of someone or something, and gallivants off to D.C. with Patrick Bateman.
Kendall is totally bummed she's going to be sentenced to death for the crime she committed. I mean, she didn't commit, that CrazAnnie committed. Actually, that Emma committed. You'll see. You'll all see . . .
Zach is exasperated that no one will do what they're told, Kendall goes missing and (meow) cat fight down at Grandad's house!!
Will CrazAnnie choke Erica to death? My guess is no. But Mrs. Mittens is so going to get busy with Patrick Bateman, and Mittens is not going to be happy about it.
Thursday 7/2
With her court date moved up, Kendall and The Hardy Boys have been running around talking to this person and that person and finally, Police Chief steps in and says, "Hey folks, let's just tell the truth at the trial!" And Kendall's all, "The what?" And he's like, "The truth" and she's like, "The whaaaaaa?"
Patrick Bateman, District Attorney visits Mittens (and his fancy jammies) in the hospital, and tries to make him think his ex-hooker wife is some sort of slut or something. Down at Casa de Mittens, Mrs. Mittens spills it to Zach about the whole D.A. bein' in love with her thing. Zach's like, "Jackpot! Or not, whatever, you never saw me."
Secret Aiden Man gets discovered by Grandad's crack security team, and they totes find the bug! Curses! (Wait, where were they the night all those people were running around the house, killing The Good Twin?) And Mrs. Mittens decides to sacrifice her hot bod for the good of someone or something, and gallivants off to D.C. with Patrick Bateman.
Kendall is totally bummed she's going to be sentenced to death for the crime she committed. I mean, she didn't commit, that CrazAnnie committed. Actually, that Emma committed. You'll see. You'll all see . . .
Zach is exasperated that no one will do what they're told, Kendall goes missing and (meow) cat fight down at Grandad's house!!
Will CrazAnnie choke Erica to death? My guess is no. But Mrs. Mittens is so going to get busy with Patrick Bateman, and Mittens is not going to be happy about it.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Magnum Pine Valley
Dude, it's July!!
Wednesday 7/1
I just have one thing to say- my new catch-phrase is, "You make it very hard to love you, Madison." I don't care who I'm talking to, I'm calling them Madison. It makes it more effective.
The Mystery Inc. Gang is still stuck on the whole, "Annie killed Stuart" thing. Aiden and his trusty Bluetooth friend are gathering serious evidence. With technology. And Grandad's all "Kendall killed my brother!" No folks, Evil Emma killed him but I'm sure we'll get there in the next few weeks.
Amanda wants to know where her baby is. He's right there! HE'S RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HOUSE! FIGURE IT OUT!! Instead of being honest with her, Funny Doctor makes up a story that I'm pretty sure was based on an episode of "Little House on the Prairie." Something about a dog and working hard. But Thaddeus ain't down with keeping this particular secret. Funny Doc's only hope with keeping him quiet is another bonk on the head.
At the casino Madison tells a lovely little tale that goes something like this: D.A. falls in luv wit a stripper, I mean dancer, I mean prostitute. Prostitute's not in love wit him. D.A. finds rich blonde lady and marries her. Then he goes hiking in the Appalachian Argentinian mountains and digs holes and becomes the governor of South Carolina.
Mittens's hands work! They work enough to grope his wife in the middle of a hospital room at least. See Mittens, it's all gonna be just fine! But wait, Pervy D.A. shows up at casa de Mittens and wants her to run away to the exotic District of Columbia with him. Blackmail, yadda, yadda and Zach hears the whole thing, or most of it at least. Is Pine Valley in Canada? Why is everyone's door always open?
Kendall's mad Tad's a cad and didn't lie for her and Grandad wants to be bad with Annie-ad (pssst, he wants to do her.)
Only one more episode this week. Then we all get to relive Stuart's murder on Friday! Happy 4th of July!
Wednesday 7/1
I just have one thing to say- my new catch-phrase is, "You make it very hard to love you, Madison." I don't care who I'm talking to, I'm calling them Madison. It makes it more effective.
The Mystery Inc. Gang is still stuck on the whole, "Annie killed Stuart" thing. Aiden and his trusty Bluetooth friend are gathering serious evidence. With technology. And Grandad's all "Kendall killed my brother!" No folks, Evil Emma killed him but I'm sure we'll get there in the next few weeks.
Amanda wants to know where her baby is. He's right there! HE'S RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HOUSE! FIGURE IT OUT!! Instead of being honest with her, Funny Doctor makes up a story that I'm pretty sure was based on an episode of "Little House on the Prairie." Something about a dog and working hard. But Thaddeus ain't down with keeping this particular secret. Funny Doc's only hope with keeping him quiet is another bonk on the head.
At the casino Madison tells a lovely little tale that goes something like this: D.A. falls in luv wit a stripper, I mean dancer, I mean prostitute. Prostitute's not in love wit him. D.A. finds rich blonde lady and marries her. Then he goes hiking in the Appalachian Argentinian mountains and digs holes and becomes the governor of South Carolina.
Mittens's hands work! They work enough to grope his wife in the middle of a hospital room at least. See Mittens, it's all gonna be just fine! But wait, Pervy D.A. shows up at casa de Mittens and wants her to run away to the exotic District of Columbia with him. Blackmail, yadda, yadda and Zach hears the whole thing, or most of it at least. Is Pine Valley in Canada? Why is everyone's door always open?
Kendall's mad Tad's a cad and didn't lie for her and Grandad wants to be bad with Annie-ad (pssst, he wants to do her.)
Only one more episode this week. Then we all get to relive Stuart's murder on Friday! Happy 4th of July!
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