Helping needy kids is wicked cool, youse guys

Did anyone notice the size of the muffin Zach gave Kendall in the top of the show? That thing was as big as my head!

Monday 8/17:

Tad goes on down to the hospital, because he totes knows that Dr. David Baby Stealer has stolen that baby. That Barbados Baby! Well, turns out Dr. Baby Stealer’s been working in the hospital all this time, but still, you know he’s involved, right? He steals babies! That’s what he DOES! Of course he stole Barbados Baby!!!! (Psssst, not really, that ex-hooker did.)

Anyhoo, Tad’s Dad, Dr. Tad’s Dad, has this awesome thing going on that involves helping kids in Africa. Krystal’s into it because she doesn’t have a job or anything (does she?) Erica’s into it, because she’s the Angelina Jolie of this town, ya’ll. But Dr. Babystealer? Well, he passes, because he only wants to hang out with his own bastard children, not some needy little rugrats in a foreign country who he might actually be able to help with his stunning medical prowess.

Zach needs money. Know who’s got money? Grandad. He’s got lots of it. So Zach and Fake Preggers (who is always hanging around him these days) go to Chateau de Grandad and ask him for some cash money, yo. And he’s like “Yeah, sure, I’m super rich, have a bunch.” Well, CrazAnnie is t.o.’d, you guys, because she’d prefer Grandad’s money go to her. And Grandad’s like, “Dude, it’s an awesome idea! I’ll give money to Zach and it’ll totes help get you out of jail!” Eh? CrazAnnie thinks Grandad might be the crazy one these days. I think I might agree with you, CrazAnnie.

Everyone’s loves Not Babe, mostly Junior, so goes to her and says some junk and yadda yadda yadda, Not Babe swoons in her little open-in-the-back hospital gown and now she wants to be Mrs. Not Babe Junior Chandler. Or is it Mrs. Junior Not Babe Chandler?

Kendall keep breaking the rules about staying in her Ikea cave, and she makes a roast and lights a fire (in AUGUST) and whatdoyaknow, Fake Preggers shows up! Uh-oh!

All this time, Real Preggers and Funny Doc are in Massachusetts (cuz Dr. Baby Stealer’s been making lots of calls up there) hoping to find Barbados Baby. I’m hoping they find Greenlee. And I hope she has a Boston accent now, and she loves the Red Sox and she’s all, “You like apples? I got her numbah! How about dem apples!”

A girl can dream, can’t she?