I'm not dead.

Wednesday 12/29/10

I was totes going to Paraphrase today. Maybe I could talk about how Brot and Natalia are finally kissing and junk, or how weird it was to see NuNotBabe and Nu/OldScott in a scene together, or maybe how CrazAnnie and Amanda are friends and that makes me uneasy. However, this was all I could muster up. I'm going to go ahead and blame Mayor Bloomberg because he doesn't care about us poor people.

What was with that shaky-cam, Blair Witch scene in the ER with Funny Doc and Funny Doc's Ex about that one time they were in Doctors without Borders together?! I swear, if I was bleeding and my (sinfully handsome) doctor and his hot-to-trot ex-wife were working on me and wouldn't shut up about whatever they wouldn't shut up about- I'd . . . I'd . . . well, I'd probably be in too much pain to really be upset, but when that anesthesia wore off, there'd be heck to pay.

So with that I'll bid adieu and perhaps I won't be so lazy in the year eleven. Happy new year to you and yours!

xoxo,
Melody

An Ode to Dr. David Hayward

Happier days . . .

Dude, you guys. I know, I know, it's been long and I know I've been lazy. But now? NOW? I'm just . . . just so . . . dude, you guys.

Okay. I am so upset over the death of Dr. David Hayward that words can't even express my sorrow. So I wrote a poem.

An Ode to Dr. David Hayward

What shall I do?
Where shall I go?
Without my fave guy
On my fave show

You'd lie and you'd cheat
You'd steal and you'd drug
At the end of the day
All you wanted was love

With your chiseled features
And dashing good looks
There's no one handsomer
You're the tops in my book

I don't read the spoilers
So I might be real dumb
But I never thought
That you'd be the one

To die.

On my soap.

So until his inevitable return from the grave, this blog must go dark. Yeah yeah, I know, I've been slacking anyway but without David Hayward I don't have a reason to live. And I definitely don't have a reason to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. I shall mourn you, Hayward, my precious evil baby stealing doctor, until you rise again.

Or settle your contract negotiations.

Secret Thoughts

Wednesday 8/11:

Wonder what your favorite All My Children characters were REALLY thinking during today's episode?

Scott and Not Babe get it on.
And it's weird.

Junior.
He still can't figure out styling products.

Lavery's real good at fake medical conditions.

Last week: An Artist's Interpretation

Monday 8/9:

Need to catch up on what's been happening the past few weeks on AMC? Here are some Rainbow Doodle Drawings to get you up to speed:

Angie's between a rock and a hard place. Or, more accurately, a baby and some blindness.

David Hayward just wants to be loved.

Liza= still an awful person.

On a very special episode of AMC...

Colby learns the world does not revolve around her.

Friday 7/2:
Wow, a whole bunch of doin' nothin' on today's episode, huh? Less talkin', let's see some action, Pine Valley.

Juno's Baby Daddy's Fake Daddy is still a douche, so Tad punches him. Dr. Mrs. Police Chief of Staff is still goin' blind, so Funny Doc is gonna help her out. Natalia's not doing a very good job investigating Erica's plane crash in West Virginia (Yeah, whatever they SAY it's because the Feds aren't really cooperating but I think it's because she's kind of a bad cop who shoots people for no reason) so Police Chief has to go down there and fix this situation and put that tall, dark, sexy, hunky, evil Dr. David Hayward behind bars for good. Oh and NeoColby is shocked to find out that not everyone can drop everything so they can follow her to ol' Manhatty for a fake internship.

And I took a nap.

Happy almost Independence Day, ya'll!

A picture's worth a thousand naked Lizas

Reason #1 July is awesome- it's the Aiden Turner month on my "Men of Pine Valley" calendar. Oh Aiden, I've missed your chisled jaw.

Thursday 7/1:
Funny Doc and Amanda arrive back from their glamorous tropical honeymoon in the New York City, and they've brought bagels and coffee! Was it just me, or were they eating those bagels in a really weird way? I am led to believe they have never eaten bagels before. I bet it's a South Beach Diet kinda thing. Anyhoo, Amanda's a Snoopy McSnooperson and she goes through Juno's Baby Daddy's phone while he's being polite and getting junk out of her car for her. She sees the half nakey photos of Liza and gets all upset and stuff because I guess blackmail's unethical. Please, Amanda, like you've never taken covert photos of your birth father's girlfriend because she tried to seduce you and prevent you from dating her daughter.

Speaking of Liza's daughter, NeoColby got that fake internship from the fake fashion designer in NYC. This means she and Juno's Baby Daddy can move to the big city together and do adult things!! How fun! Not so fast, girlfriend. Juno's Baby Daddy can't even say "I love you, too" to you, why in the world would he want to move in with you? Plus he's got free health care and bagels in Pine Valley. And you're sometimes overbearing and kind of a drag. This is not a judgment, just an observation. NeoColby freaks out and assumes that Juno's Baby Daddy is cheating on her and she wants Tad (HIS FATHER!) to use his detective skills and investigate. Paranoid, party of one. Your table's ready.

Dr. David Baby Stealer and Greensleeves had a great night of gettin' busy, and everything's blissful and lovey and they take a walk in the park (the REAL park, like outside and stuff. Not that fake park everyone's usually hangin' out in.) Naturally, the workout twins, Madison and Lavery, ruin the whole scene with their sports accessories and leg cramps. Dr. David Baby Stealer is cold as ice, but Greensleeves is a little thrown off, understandably so, as Lavery's tank top was a little alarming. After the four part ways, Lavery invites Madison to New York City with him next week for some junk or somethin' and Madison's all, "Of COURSE I'll be in a New York City montage with you!"

$10 says there's a good long twirling scene next week with those two fools.

Palmer's Will: The hits just keep coming!

So I partially fell asleep during today's episode because I'm off from work and that makes me all naptastic. Let's see what I can remember.

Wednesday 6/30:
Did you know you can write your will so it forces people to do things like move to a new town and change their name? Me neither. Palmer did, though! That's exactly what he did to old Caleeeeeb. Poor Caleb has to move to Pine Valley for at least a year AND change his last name to Cortlandt from Cooney. (Cortlandt is better, Caleb.) AND apparently Dr. David Hayward was a renter- A RENTER!- and now Caleb gets to live at the WildWoodWind mansion because Palmer bought it for him. This doesn't seem that legal to me, but okay.

Not Babe thinks she needs to sex it up a bit for Junior, since he seems to like crazy slutwhores like Annie. She buys a shorter version of my homecoming dress from 1998 (A note to the ladies: you may think the only way you'll win your high school ex-boyfriend back is by forcing him to take you to homecoming and wearing a mesh cut out dress so tight you can hardly breathe, but trust me, mesh is never the answer and he's not worth the effort anyway. ) but then Lil' A.J. ruins the whole thing because he tells her he's "scared" because she's all done up. To quote Mr. Paraphrasing Pine Valley, "What kind of dumb@$$ kid gets scared because his mom's wearing makeup?"

Police Chief has now enlisted Tad to find George Someone or Other, who was somehow involved in Erica's plane crash or the whole SEC/Fusion/embezzlement thing or something. I don't know, I'm pretty sure I dozed off for that part. I think the point is that Police Chief's bummed his wife is bummed and he's gonna blame David Hayward for it. Actually, we should really be blaming that eye disease but what do I know? I did wake up to Greensleeves and Dr. David Hayward almost gettin' it on, which is always enjoyable to see.

I promise I don't mean that to sound as pervy as it does. Yes I do.

"What do you wear to a will reading anyway?"

If you're Jackson, some sexy reading glasses and that luscious head of hair.

Tuesday 6/29:
It's the day of Palmer's will reading, ya'll! EricaKane is finally, for reals, released from hospital only after she wakes up to NooBianca watching her sleep as she whispered "Caleb . . . Caleeeeeb." (Erica, not NooBianca.) NooBianca thinks this is weird (no weirder than watching people sleep, NooB) and grills her moms about "Caleeeeeb." Erica plays it off with a "He's just this dude who's mean, and rugged, and chiseled and hunky and . . . is it getting hot in here? I mean, I hate him." Evs, Erica.

Then Krystal stops by Erica's hospital room (can't this woman just leave the place already?) and Krystal basically implies that Erica better not be playin' Jackson for a fool. Erica implies that Krystal better not be writin' checks her butt can't cash.

Sucker Scott is totally freaked out by this will reading, since he basically stole all of Palmer's NanoIpod Technology and he's worried that Palmer's gonna blow up his spot from the afterlife. CrazAnnie is dressed like a crazy slutwhore for this thing, even though homegirl wasn't REALLY invited because she's a crazy slutwhore. Naturally, she goes anyway and she and Not Babe have a confrontation/catfight about Junior and how NotBabe is mad boring and THAT'S why Junior slept with CrazAnnie. I might have to agree with the crazy lady on this one. It culminates with and very lady-like tussle between the 2 of 'em and they knock the marble (read: Styrofoam) Palmer memorial plaque off of it's marble (read: particle board) stand and they have to put it back together with rubber bands and gum. Hijinx.

Finally we get to Palmer's will reading and he gives NooBianca some puppets, Opal back her engagement ring (I guess he was gonna propose to her again? At some point?), Junior a beach house and half of ChandMerica Enterprises and Sucker Scott a painting of Pigeon Hollow and then mentions something about remembering your roots- which is totally a passive aggressive way of saying "Don't be a douche and a thief, Scott." Finally, Palmer bequeaths Palmer Technology to EricaKane and . . . wait for it . . . Caleb, who's actually Palmer's nephew. Hilarious, right? A hermit mountain man and some prissy princess running a technology company! And they totes have the hots for each other. I wonder what will happen. Sorry, Jack- I hear Krystal's on the market.

Little House on the Pine Valley

Seriously why would anyone in the world write a story line other than love and shiny happy things for these two?

Monday 6/28:
Dag, ya'll. I ain't even gonna talk about all the stuff that's happened those past 3 months. I ain't even gonna talk about Erica's plane crash, rescue by a mountain man, falling down a dirt pit and subsequent second rescue by the same mountain main. I ain't gonna mention how Janet From Another Planet stalked Amanda and totes took some folks hostage. And I certainly ain't gonna bring up how Bianca isn't Bianca anymore and she wears belts over sweater vests over tunics over jeans. I ain't gonna talk about that.

Right now, we're talking about what happened today.

See, today, Erica left hospital for the second time, and Jack (who's now her fiancee!) is totally raggin' her for not really resting up and gettin' better from the crash and the pit fall. Instead, she's all up Greensleeve's butt about how Greensleeves and her totally awesome huzzzband Dr. David Baby Stealer a: rigged her plane to go down and b: pretty much framed her for some embezzlement and some junk. Long story short, Dave takes the wrap, because he's awesome and chivalrous and that's what dude does. Oh wait, no actually he bribes the Feds (or whomever that guy in the park was) for "minimal charges." This way he's a hero AND doesn't really have to do too much time. Dave, you and your evil ways.

Meanwhile, Jackson and Erica find out that Palmer's will . . . needs . . . to . . . be . . . read!!! *Duh duh duhhhhhhhh* Titillating.

Since neither Amanda, nor Funny Doc have jobs or places to be, they hang out in the park while some baby sitter watches their kid and Amanda talks about how they're totally going to Italy so Amanda can take some Italian modeling job and they can basically eat pizza and be deadbeats. So Funny Doc goes to hospital to be all, "My name's Jake and I'm outta here- to go eat pizza for a few weeks and then I'll be back." But then he happens upon Dr. Mrs. Police Chief of Staff, who's actin' kinda like she's can't see. He basically tricks her into admitting that she's goin' all Mary Ingalls on us is sorta blind because she contracted some unpronounceable disease from a little boy because Dr. David Hayward won't let the hospital buy gloves. Oh heck to the no, writers. This is not happenin' to my Dr. Angela Hubbard. Fine you can make her blind, but not longer than one month, then we'll all learn a very special lesson and then only good things will happen to the Hubbards. You hear me? Take NooBianca- she wears weird clothes and thinks she better than everyone. But the Hubbards? The Hubbards are joy and light and beauty not to be messed with. You cannot hurt my feelings like this, All My Children. You cannot.

Tuesday

Today we learned how Lavery works out his abs.

Enjoy your Tuesday!

Who Wants to Be Pine Valley's Next Top Undercover Model?

Thursday 3/25:

Let me break it down for you:

Natalia and Amanda are both smokin' hot, CrazAnnie's a paranoid freak, Dr. David Baby Stealer is a master manipulator (actually just a really good overhearer) and everyone's hair is flat.

Thursday!! Hoo-ah!

Wednesday Recap Haikus

Wednesday 3/24:
Box full of Hayward
Is worth two in a mansion
Give me a box'o that!!

Grandad can't do "it"
Cuz he's got an old dude's heart
It's better this way

Sky blue, Liza drunk
Has she ever won a case?
Maybe stick to booze?

Tad the Cad's a Dad . . . again

Man oh man, I've been gone for a while! See, there was life stuff, then work stuff, then more life stuff, then work-like stuff, then Daylight Savings happened and I ended up accidentally taping One Life to Live for two days.

Thursday 3/18:
Remember how Tad was a big slut whore back in the day? Well, turns out he was a slut whore approximately 19 years ago, and Juno's Baby Daddy's his son. (I totally called it.) So Tad's all worked up about missing most of his kid's life, and he keeps trying to get in touch with his kid's moms, but moms totes went to Europe, probably because she didn't really feel like discussing the whole "That kid's your kid, but he thinks his step dad's really his dad instead of his step dad" thing. Understandable. Tad blames Liza for spooking her, but I blame Tad for his incessant calling of kid's moms. On top of all that Tad likes Krystal again, or at least he seems like he does, and that makes Liza all mopey. Also, Juno's Baby's Daddy's a d**k. I'm guessing because his mother's a liar and a tramp.

Greensleeves is doin' a ad campaign for her new makeup that makes you look like you're not wearing makeup (Which, to me, completely negates the purpose of makeup. I'm a gal who wears blue eyeshadow and bright red lipstick together, though, so what do I know?) For the location, Madison suggests the casino, which Laves totally bought yesterday. Greensleeves doesn't know that Madison knows that Laves owns the casino . . . and Zach doesn't know Laves owns the casino either . . . uh, whatever the whole casino makeup campaign is a convoluted attempt for Laves to make Greensleeves get wit' him.

Dr. David Baby Stealer Greenlee Healer is hidin' out in Grandad's mansion. He needs a place to hide, and Grandad's heart is on the fritz again so it's a match made in heaven. This kinda makes Grandad all weird and secretive, and naturally CrazAnnie starts to lose it and thinks that somehow it's all a big Brooke thingy. She shuffles her slippered feet down the halls of Grandad's tunnels (not a euphemism, I promise) and . . . EEK! Who's there?!! Guess we'll find out tomorrow! (It's definitely David.)

PS- Is Greenlee's wardrobe now being sponsored by exposed zippers? I mean, exposed zippers are hot right now, but it's a little excessive. Give her buttons or snaps or velcro or something!

Would you like some crazy beyotch with that bone marrow, JR?

Monday 3/1:
Greensleeves is at Ye Olde Castle of Romance, where Funny Doc has Nurse Gayle all holed up too, trying to make her rat on Dave. Greensleeves is there because, she kind of loves Laves still? I don't know why when you've got a big hunk of evil doctor at home, but whatever. Funny Doc works his Funny ways and Greensleeves doesn't suspect that whole Gayle thing, but after she leaves Erica and Laves and the gang come over and yadda yadda yadda there gonna take Hayward down. We've heard this one before, kids.

So Greensleeves goes back home, and confesses to Hayward about going to castle, and Hayward confesses about how he was kinda sorta helping Erica take over Fusion. Greensleeves is displeasesleeved.

Juno's Baby Daddy gets fired (AGAIN!) because he once tried to break into the place in which he worked. Companies don't dig thievery. Good to know . . .

Turns out CrazAnnie is a partial match for Junior and his bone marrow, which is not as great as a full match but a lot better than just lettin' the dude hang out in a coma. CrazAnnie didn't know that there was like, surgery involved with the bone marrow stuff, and man, that's a big deal. So she goes into Junior's room and she's all, "To be or not to be . . . JR's bone marrow donor . . ." And Junior's like, "Get out bitch!" Not kidding, that dude talked! Somebody's totally pulling the old Emma Lavery Fake Sleeping coma, aren't they?

Snow my goodness where is Grandad's secret love child?!

It snowed like 72 feet here in NYC, so I got a snow day!! Thanks, snow! And sorry in advance for trash talking you tomorrow when you ruin my weekend and get all dirty and icky.

Friday 2/26:
Looks like Miguel the Grandad Secret Love Child is a bone marrow match for Junior. Hooray! Miguel is also a big freaking jerk and didn't get on the plane and now Junior slipped into a coma and I'm getting seriously distraught about his cancer. This storyline is killing me, you guys! Luckily, CrazAnnie went rogue . . .rouge? . . . rogue and is totes getting tested without Junior's knowledge and I'm sure she'll be a match and Junior's gonna wake up in a few months with some crazy beyotch marrow in his bones. At least that's what I'm hoping.

Dr. David Baby Stealer and Greensleeves got married! Greensleeves totally wants to "consummate the marrige" (wink wink) with him, but he resists, because he doesn't want mess up the fact that they're friends and he can tell her anything and he really likes her and they have a special connection. Um, that kinda sounds like love to me, Hayward, but whatevs. Thank you for saving yourself for me. Greensleeves is totally onto the whole Erica/Hayward thingy thingy about Erica wanting Fusion and making Hayward help her make that happen and junk. So Hayward tells Greensleeves that it's all gonna be okay and that he's the one doing the the manipulating (which Erica totally overhears) but it kinda sorta seems like he's not being truthful. I swear to goodness, Hayward, if you burn Greensleeves I'm going to be so t.o.'d. Oh, I'll still be in love with you, but that will make me sad for a second.

Drunky 1 and Drunky 2 (Laves and Funny Doc) have the BRILLIANT plan to get Nurse Gayle's help to take Hayward down. They drank a bottle of brown liquor between the two of 'em yesterday, and now they're freaking genius private eyes? Gayle's kinda down but not super down, because she saw Greensleeves and Hayward making out and this hurt her feelings. But also the Drunkies are drunk, and I think she's a little leery of helping out a buncha lushes. And then there's the thing about how she's got the hots for Hayward, and she's got confused feelings of jealous and lust. I feel you, girlfriend. I feel you.

Maniac Monday

It's Monday! And I'm not really sure who's the biggest Maniac in Pine Valley today . . . NeoColby for toying with a crazy lady or CrazAnnie for being a crazy lady. Nah, the answer is definitely Laves. It's always Laves.

Monday 2/22:
Laves totes overheard Greensleeves (who's got a birthday today!) talkin' to Funny Doc and he decides that maybe he shouldn't be so pushy with this whole making her love him thing. Sting was right, kid. Somehow though, I feel like you haven't yet learned this lesson. You don't have a great track record with the "not being pushy" deal. But we'll see.

Dr. Mrs. Police Chief is sad about how much her job kinda sucks. With the blackmailing/not blackmailing and junk, she's been super testy recently, so Police Chief stops by hospital so he can whisk her away and they can "reconnect," if you know what I mean. This leaves Mittens in charge, and man, Dr. Mrs. Police Chief has a really tough job. There was this other doc who had this one emergency (which he kinda didn't really make seem like an emergency) and the guy's patient totally died because Dr. Mrs. Police Chief wasn't there to approve the surgery and Mittens didn't call her in time to have her approve the surgery! That sucks.

Juno's not comin' back to PV. I think we all kinda knew that, but today Juno's Baby Daddy confirmed it. Also confirmed Juno's Baby Daddy's DNA totes matched the DNA from all those break ins. DNA don't mean squat in this town, though.

Grandad finds out it was NuevoColby who planted the tire iron that made CrazAnnie go a little bit loco, and he also kinda finds out that Scott won't just stop lustin' after his darn wife. He's really t.o.'d and he reads 'em all the riot act. Grandad's all, "Keep it in your pants Scott! And stop being a brat Colby!" Then he gives Tad a big briefcase o' cash to go "find" "a person" who might be a "match" for "JR" and his "bone marrow." Secret love child, anyone? No . . . seriously. I'm pretty sure it's his secret love child.

T.G.I. Tire Iron!

In the past two days, everyone's been kidnapped!

Updated: A super keen observer (thanks, Kari!!) pointed out that Erica Kane did not, in fact, kidnap Dr. David Baby Stealer. Instead that was Tad and Police Chief and she was just standing guard over the guy or something. I blame the weird one sentence ABC recaps these days for my misinformation. Their "David Hayward does something evil" and "Colby complains about something" episode recaps aren't keeping me in the loop. Guess I should just watch 'em online, huh?

Updated Update: The ABC recaps are back!

Friday 2/19:
Poor Dr. David Baby Stealer. That guy can't catch a break. Erica Kane has totally kidnapped him and tied him up. Albeit, he's loosely tied up but tied up just the same. I'm assuming this Erica/Hayward kidnapping was is directly related to the the Laves/Greensleeves kidnapping that happened in the past two days. Dr. Dave is sad and just wants to break away from those slack ropes and marry Greensleeves because she understands him and it's the closest thing he'll ever have to love. Except me.

Laves has got Greensleeves on lock down too, and he gets her all worked up and she faints and Funny Doc comes over to check on her and she's like, "Funny Doc, Laves has seriously got to chill. I mean, whatever, yeah, I'm still in love with him, but it's not happenin'." Yes, Greensleeves! Go to Hayward! It's what you (I) want!

Junior's got the cancer and needs some bone marrow and everyone is getting a swab to see if they can donate theirs to him. Except CrazAnnie. Junior's like, "Bish, please. I don't want none of your skank-a$$ bone marrow." So Grandad sends her home and she breaks a glass and Scott (for the zillionth time!) tells her it's over and then she finds a tire iron that NeoColby planted outside and she's totallllllllllly going loco this time! We've seen with CrazAnn can do with a tire iron and it ain't pretty. Get that room ready, Oak Haven. It's only a matter of time.

Next week: Brooke's back! (I'm convinced this is the lady that Grandad asked Tad to go find, just fyi). Thank goodness. Erica needs to get a little payback for the torture's she's putting my baby stealing, drugging, vengeful boyfriend through!

Preempted due to fabulousness

fabulous

Today's AMC recap is preempted due to the fabulousness of Johnny Weir. And yesterday's AMC recap was preempted to my own fabulousness and not technically being home to watch the show at any point.

See ya'lls tomorrow!

David Hayward would like his job back, thankyouverymuch!

Tuesday 2/16:
The hospital is a super bummer place to be today. Junior finds out that his chemo's not really working, so he needs a bone marrow transplant. For once Grandad's being a nosy, bossy guy is actually kinda helpful, because he's all about getting Junior that transplant. Go Grandad. Oh and PS we see a picture of the new "Lil' A" (who I'm heard will now be called AJ) and well, that kid is gonna be a handful. Ed Hardy t-shirts and everything.

Laves and Greensleeves talk and talk and talk some more. And Laves is smug. And Greensleeves is stubborn. And Laves is all, "You'd prefer to marry me instead of David Hayward." And Greensleeves is all, "Oh yeah? Just watch me not marry you and instead marry David!" So there, Lavery.

Turns out there was a janitor strike goin' on at hospital, and Dr. Mrs. Police Chief of Staff had to use the bag o' blackmail that Hayward had left behind for her to make the head of the union back off and thereby end the strike. A little good news, bad news, Dr. Mrs. Police Chief of Staff. Good news: strike is over. Bad news: Hayward TOTALLY saw you do that blackmailin' and now he's gonna flip it and blackmail you about it unless you give him his job back. Cold blooded, Dave. I'm normally a Hayward supporter no matter what, but I get a little upset when he messes with the Hubbards. Can't you go back to harassing Lavery? That's much more entertaining.

Most Awesome (Non) Wedding Ever (Part Two)

Monday 2/15:
Hayward's gettin' married to Greensleeves and everyone's there, and Greensleeves lifts up her bee keeper style veil and everybody's like, "ZOMG! You were supposed be dead! And you're marrying David Hayward! Weird!" Then Jackson runs in and he's like, "I'm so angry about this, don't marry David!" and then Laves runs in and he's like, "I'M so angry about this, don't marry David!" Police Chief hauls Hayward into the house for questioning or whatevs (which is totally unnecessary, cuz dude ain't done nothin' wrong except for be awesome) and then Laves kinda manhandles Greensleeves and generally acts a little self centered and stuff.

CrazAnnie, Grandad and Scott were apparently not invited to the wedding, which totally T.O.'s CrazAnnie, and naturally she crashes the wedding that didn't really happen because Lavery spoiled it. Lavery was still there spoiling everything and when CrazAnnie showed up and she saw Greenlee (her arch nemesis, remember?) and she kinda shruged it off but I'm pretty sure it's for certain- Annie is officially bringing Crazy back.

Greensleeves is all, "Why didn't you warn me everyone would hate me for trying to marry you, David Hayward?" and I'm all, "HE DID!!" and Hayward is super nice to her (because he's awesome) and Laves comes in and talks about how he owns Valentine's Day AND the full moon and that Greensleeves should marry him right then and there. Greensleeves, you've already crushed my spirit by not marrying David in the first place. Please don't go and marry that bossy Ryan Lavery . . . you . . . you're gonna do it, aren't you? Sigh, I figured.