Hooray for lawyers!

I just want to say this- I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that if you're doing the old "drying out your soaked Blackberry with rice" thing, you need more than 1/2 an inch of rice. Just had to get that off my chest.

Monday 7/13
After the unfortunate sprinkler incident, Lavery and Erica decide to get half naked and dry her blackberry out in a 1/2 inch of rice. Those 2 are regular old MacGyvers. Kendall walks in, and Erica's all, "But honey, he was just putting his rice on my Blackberry! It means nothing!" Kendall's grossed out and sad and defaces a poster of her mom back at Fusionation Cosmetical Incorporation. (i.e. She throws it on the ground. Come on, Kendall, you're angrier than that!)

Madison gives Zach the dead D.A.'s magic suitcase of evidence against Kendall, and he then gives that ish to Fake Preggers and is all, "You're going to be my wife's lawyer. Oh and I know that baby ain't yours, bitch." Needless to say, girlfriend takes the case. I wonder how CrazAnnie is going to take that news.

Baby Stealer is totally convinced that Barbados Baby is his and he really wants to steal it, so he enlists Not Babe to help him out because she's, you know, a massuese/almost a lawyer. She's stoked to help him out, because it's totally creepy how Funny Doc and Fake Preggers are acting. Also she's kind of in love with her father. Plus she's a massuese/kinda sorta going to be a lawyer.

Not Babe visits Fake Preggers and Colby, and they take Barbados Baby for a walk. Colby's all, "Man it was so neato how when Barbados Baby was born, he wasn't wrinkly or icky and he was wearing a hat!" Not Babe's lawyer sense kicks in, and she knows that something's afoot. Glad all that lawyer school money ain't going to waste.

CrazAnnie goes swimming and Police Chief shows up, cuz they totes thought she was running away (can you swim with those things on?) He tries to grill her and make her confess to Stuart's murder and she's all, "Dude, Grandad's got the hots for me, and we're totes getting married and then I'm going to become a princess and ride a unicorn and have a dress made of fairy hair and rubies and I shall rule this land. I'LL be the police chief, Police Chief! You'll see!!!"

And oh yeah, sometime during all of this Funny Doc thought it would be a great idea to have a DNA test on Barbados Baby, and he'll fake it so he can get Baby Stealer off his back. That's the problem with you Pine Valley folks, you think you're better than science.

Speaking of DNA, turns out that Barbados Baby's vomit on Not Babe's sweater is SO going to prove that Baby Stealer can rightfully steal him!!! Hooray!