Magnum Pine Valley

Dude, it's July!!

Wednesday 7/1
I just have one thing to say- my new catch-phrase is, "You make it very hard to love you, Madison." I don't care who I'm talking to, I'm calling them Madison. It makes it more effective.

The Mystery Inc. Gang is still stuck on the whole, "Annie killed Stuart" thing. Aiden and his trusty Bluetooth friend are gathering serious evidence. With technology. And Grandad's all "Kendall killed my brother!" No folks, Evil Emma killed him but I'm sure we'll get there in the next few weeks.

Amanda wants to know where her baby is. He's right there! HE'S RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HOUSE! FIGURE IT OUT!! Instead of being honest with her, Funny Doctor makes up a story that I'm pretty sure was based on an episode of "Little House on the Prairie." Something about a dog and working hard. But Thaddeus ain't down with keeping this particular secret. Funny Doc's only hope with keeping him quiet is another bonk on the head.

At the casino Madison tells a lovely little tale that goes something like this: D.A. falls in luv wit a stripper, I mean dancer, I mean prostitute. Prostitute's not in love wit him. D.A. finds rich blonde lady and marries her. Then he goes hiking in the Appalachian Argentinian mountains and digs holes and becomes the governor of South Carolina.

Mittens's hands work! They work enough to grope his wife in the middle of a hospital room at least. See Mittens, it's all gonna be just fine! But wait, Pervy D.A. shows up at casa de Mittens and wants her to run away to the exotic District of Columbia with him. Blackmail, yadda, yadda and Zach hears the whole thing, or most of it at least. Is Pine Valley in Canada? Why is everyone's door always open?

Kendall's mad Tad's a cad and didn't lie for her and Grandad wants to be bad with Annie-ad (pssst, he wants to do her.)

Only one more episode this week. Then we all get to relive Stuart's murder on Friday! Happy 4th of July!