Pine Valleians need to work on their plans

Ricky Paull Goldin was in my dream last night. That's really all I can (and should) say about that. I mean that in the least creepy way possible.

Monday 9/19:
New week, still Dance A Thon 2009! When Erica Kane says "Dance A Thon" she means "Dance A Thon." Even though she's not really there right now. But her ankle's fine (because she was faking) and she'll be back in no time!

Lavery and CrazAnnie pick up where they left off, and Lavery's like, "Dude, Emma killed Stuart?" And Me and CrazAnnie are like, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES!!!!!"

Turns out Blondie's not dead, she just got bonked on the head real bad by Randi, who thought she was Madison, on account of the LSD water. If we've learned one thing it's that Randi's bonks don't really kill anybody, they just give 'em a wicked headache, so you'll be fine, Blondie. Police Chief's been thinking a lot about those bonks, and maybe just maybe Madison killed her husband and not Randi . . . but then Randi keeps bonkin' people on the head! What's a Police Chief to think? Still Madison's sneakin' around that joint and well, she's got a score to settle.

Maybe the whole, "Slut whore!" fight that Real Preggers and Funny Doc got into was a plan . . . but maybe it wasn't. All I know is that if Real Preggers doesn't want Funny Doc, I'll take him. I mean that in the least creepy way possible. Dr. David Baby Stealer's like, "Too bad about that whole 'slut whore' thing, Real Preggers. Maybe you shoulda just let me know my son was alive in the first place." And Real Preggers was like, "Hey guy, you were gonna steal my baby, you actually said you wanted to buy him!" And Dr. David Baby Stealer's like, "Whatevs. See, I'm not a 'bad guy,' I just really love stealing babies and well, I mean, that's my kid. It would technically not be stealing . . . it would just be . . . hey I love this song LET'S DANCE!!!"

Zach and Fake Preggers are totally killing it in the pledge department, and they've even been voted "Sexiest Couple" like a million times. This means they get to take a bunch of breaks, and so do Lavery and CrazAnnie (why I don't know because they're doing less "dancing" and more "arguing" right now), and Lavery tells Zach about that whole "Emma killed Stuart" thing when CrazAnnie walks away, but he doesn't for reals think Emma killed him. Instead he just thinks CrazAnnie's using her kid to take the heat off of herself and Lavery has his daughter's best interest in mind. He seems to forget that he's always losing his daughter and making her hang out the nanny while he twirls around in NYC with Erica Kane and that's probably why she killed Stuart in the first place. (Because she did!) Then Lavery punches Zach, as "an act" to make CrazAnnie think he's on her side. I can't wait to see how many fist fights those guys get into for "the act."

Okay, so Madison's still on the loose and Mittens sees her and tries to get her or something, but she pulls the old "twist the guy's arm behind his back" move (even more effective because he's got broke ass hands) and she eventually ends up on the roof and is threatening to jump! Mittens, let her do it. She needs to learn a lesson.

Remember that "Sexiest Couple" thing? Well, it's probably because Fake Preggers made out with Zach and Kendall saw the whole thing because it's televised and junk. Kendall clearly doesn't care that everyone thinks she's in prison and she breaks out of her secret room and goes to the Dance A Thon. I guess to witness the making out in person? Zach sees her and then they're in the boiler room and he's like, "God Kendall, someone could've seen you!! I mean, someone besides me!" And then Secret Aidan Man pops up (I LOVE when he doesn't that!) and he's like, "AHA! Someone else besides you, did see you!!"

Oh Aidan, it's been too long.