Everyone puts everyone else in their place in Pine Valley

And by "in their place" I mean, "in their bed."

Wednesday 9/9:
So Tad and Junior are eating at ConFusion, and Junior is doing less "eating" and more "looking really sick" because he's got cancer. I don't want to be insensitive, but if Junior doesn't want that cheeseburger because of the chemo, I totally would've eaten it. That thing looked GOOD!

Real Preggers and Dr. David Baby Stealer have brought Barbados Baby into the hospital, because Dr. Baby Stealer wants him checked out and get all that "commoner" washed off him, now that's Barbados Baby's going to be living in the Baby Stealer's fancy lair. This makes Funny Doc SUPER p.o.'d, because well, that's kind of his kid . . . I mean, it's his wife's kid, but still, it's a huge drag to have the son that you loved and fake abandoned and junk now living with your mortal enemy. I'm actually not convinced that Barbados Baby really IS Dr. David Baby Stealer's baby, though. It doesn't look anything like him. The kid has blonde hair! Plus it is super duper cute and I would totally steal him myself. I kinda think it's Junior's kid . . .

Mittens is whining and moping about how his wife is like, I dunno, making him feel bad about himself. Police Chief and Dr. Mrs. Police Chief think Mittens is a dumb ass for now hanging out with the Dead D.A.'s wife. Randi's like, "Big whoop. Who's got a baby I can pretend is my own?" Well, Mittens is also a complete light weight and gets tanked and ends up in Dead D.A.'s Wife's hotel room (again?). Dr. Mrs. Police Chief comes to said room and smacks Dead D.A.'s Wife upside her yuppie blonde head. Way to go, Dr. Mrs. Police Chief.

Elsewhere, I mean in the Secret Room, Kendall and Zach make out, but then Kendall brings up that whole "sleeping with Lavery" thing and how Zach won't ever trust her and sometimes he ignores her and my GOSH Kendall, will you just shut it about that? Kendall. You exhaust me.

CrazAnnie is all bummed out about the fact that her daughter might have to grow up without a mother and Scott's like, "Yeah, I didn't have a mother. It was hard. Rock hard. Just like my abs." And then later they make out. Good one. Look at me, Scott. Do you see me? Okay, you can't see me but if you could see me, you'd see the look of disappointment on my face and my head shaking back and forth. I'm not happy Scott. Not happy at all. Feel free to keep your shirt off, though.

Not Babe goes and tries get all up in Junior's bed. At least I'm pretty sure that's what she means when she goes to his room and says "I'm going to do something for myself for once." Though for Not Babe, she probably just means they're going to go eat a million ice cream sundaes or stare at the clouds or, like, try to catch leprechauns. There's probably nothing sexy about it. I guess we'll find out tomorrow!!