Duh!

Today's episode had a lot of crazy leaps of logic and a French house painter.

Friday 1/15:
Grandad's in hospital and he's getting heart surgery. Everyone seems super shocked at this, despite the fact the dude has had like 8 heart attacks/collapses in the past 2 months.

Tad's getting his house painted by some Frenchy named Pierre (that's original) who hired Juno's lame-o boyfriend to work with him. Tad totes saves Lame-o's a$$ when he slacks off on the job, and then gets to second base with Liza. Go Tad!

Greensleeves figures out instantly that Dr. David Baby Stealer Greenlee Healer told everyone he was dying and that he's totally lying about it. Get her on the PVPD, like, now! We coulda had that "Who Shot Stuart?" wrapped up in day with her on the team!

Turns out none of Hayward's kin have his hereditary fake disease which is seriously weird, because given the statistics one of 'em shoulda had it. Funny Doc's like, "He's totes lying then" but Not Babe's like, "My Dad wouldn't lie to me!" and I'm like, "Have you ever even watched this television program you're on, Not Babe?" Then Not Babe's all, "Maybe he's not Barbados Baby's father." So they find Hayward's hairbrush to run a DNA test . . . and the previews tell us Funny Doc is for reals the father. Sigh. This exhausts me.

Okay, look, here's the deal. I want Funny Doc to be happy. I want Amanda to be happy. But is it even physically possible for him to be the baby daddy? Is she really that much of a slutball that she slept with Hayward, JR AND Funny Doc all in the same week?!! And then forgot about it? That kid is JR's and I know it and you know it and Chuck Pratt knows it.

But that's not even the silliest thing, you guys. There's no way on God's green earth that David Hayward would EVER use a hairbrush. And he definitely wouldn't use a giant paddle brush. He's clearly a wide-toothed comb with a little bit of product for hold kinda guy. Trust me, I've seen that head of hair in person, and it's gorgeous. A brush just wouldn't do it justice.