Snow my gosh CrazAnnie and Scott made out!

Dude, you guys. Snow. Snow of epic proportions. Therefore much of today's episode was interrupted by a bunch people going "HOLY CRAP SNOWWWWWW" on the tv, but I definitely saw enough to get the gist of what's happenin' in the Pine Valley.

Wednesday 2/9:
We all knew Scott and CrazAnnie were a bunch of slut whores, didn't we? Well, today they proved it once again with some heavy making out. NeoColby totally saw the whole thing through the window and videotaped it with her phone (Phones can do that?) Blackmail's a beyotch, kids.

Grandad finally figures out that Junior's not a drunk and instead has the cancer again, and then Junior falls and bonks his head on the dresser and has to go to hospital. The whole fam gets there, and NuevoColby springs the old blackmail video on CrazAnnie and Scott and CrazAnnie breaks her phone. Dude, why would you show that to CrazAnnie? She's crazy enough to break your phone! Junior is okay, but not really, and he asks Scott to take care of Not Babe and Lil' A if anything bad happens. Scott's like, "By 'take care' do you mean 'make out with them'? Because if that's the case I can do that really well."

Jackson sees Greensleeves (HIS DAUGHTER who was presumed DEAD!) and he's like, "Greens, I'm so stoked you're alive. Let's call Lavery and tell him!" and she's like, "Naw, let's chill on that for a sec." She explains that Dr. David Baby Stealer Greenlee Healer was the one who like, healed her, and he gets all grumpy and angry about that (something about Dr. Dave "playing God" or somethin') but then he chills out and Erica calls him and I'm pretty sure she's going to profess her undying love for him because they are the most awesome couple ever.

Laves finds out about Dr. Dave gettin' married on V-day, and he's SUPER pissed because he thinks he owns Valentime's Day on account of the fact that he one time was gonna get married on Valentime's Day but then Kendall ran his fiancee off the road on her motorcycle and everyone thought she died. So he goes over to WildWoodWind and is all, "You can't get married on V-day, Hayward!" and Hayward's all, "You're not the boss of me!" and then Laves socks him in the kisser. You think you're gonna ruin a wedding by punching Dave in the face, Laves? Jokes on you, guy, because the only thing sexier than a David Hayward is a David Hayward with a black eye.

OH MY GOSH SNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Snow my goodness why is AMC always interrupted?

Take a good look. Because it's the last time you're ever going to see this.

It seems that the 1:15-1:45pm time slot is optimum for politicians to hold press conferences here in NYC. Yeah, I get it. Snow snow snow, but you couldn't wait until Oprah for that?!

Tuesday 2/9:
Dr. Dave is plannin' the wedding, Erica's pretty sure she should break up with Laves (yes, please, holy cow, please!), Colby's complaining about something or other, and Grandad thinks Junior's faking a cold, when, in fact dude, has the cancer again.

Then, Mayor Giuliani . . . er, Bloomberg, whatever, comes on the screen and it's all, "OH MY GOSH SNOW!!" and, bam, Colby's still complaining, Erica is for real breaking up with Laves, Grandad realizes Junior's not just a hypo and I'm pretty sure Scott and CrazAnnie are gonna go all the way . . . if you know what I mean. Oh and Greensleeves totally visits Jackson (HER FATHER!) in the WildWindWood Chapel. Dave, you should be careful about setting up those types of encounters with people who were presumed dead and their parents. You could give someone a heart attack that way.

Most importantly, you guys, EricAvery is no more. Oh sure, they talk about how "great they were as a couple" (Lies, all lies.) and at first the break up doesn't take, but finally they realize how wrong this has been for the past few months and call it quit. I once had a break up not take and I had to break up with the guy 3 times. I'm not even joking. Luckily, this only took one shot, and man, we've been waiting for it.

Jackson's Backson

Welcome back to The Valley, Jack! I've missed you so!

Monday 2/8:
Jackson shows up at Erica's crib and basically tells her everything all of us have been thinking for the past few months. Namely that Laves is lame and that it's icky that she's bangin' her grandson's father. He also tells her that the two of them should totes be together because their love burned bright with firey hot passion and they're a super duper couple. This makes Erica feel funny. Erica, drop the zero and get with the hero, like now.

Funny Doc has the worst plans ever. His name should be Captain Bad Plans. This week's Bad Plan includes lying about seeing Dr. David Baby Stealer Greenlee Healer go to Fusion and destroy their computers. I mean, he DID do that, but Captain didn't see him, so he would be lying to the police and that's not a cool thing to do. The Gang talks him out of this and he gives a statement but the day's wrong and stuff, and then later he decides he's just going to make up a whole bunch of evidence against David to put him in jail. Creating evidence. Awesome. Way better than just lying to your friend, Police Chief Jesse Hubbard. Again, this is why you're Captain Bad Plans, Captain Bad Plans.

Police Chief uses Captain Bad Plans' mostly inaccurate statement to try to fool Dr. David into confessin to the Fusion thing, but you can't fake a faker and Dr. David's "Pfft, you're lying. Jake didn't see me there." and walks outta the police station. That guy rules.

Dr. David Baby Stealer Greenlee Healer also rules because he's sensitive and romantic and bought Greensleeves some wedding dresses and they're totally falling in love, I can just tell. He invites The Gang to his wedding later this week and they're all completely befuddled because they didn't even know he had a gf, nonetheless a fiancee! Just wait until he marries a dead lady, you guys!

Chemistry Ain't Just a Class in High School

I'm a little late to the party on Friday's episode, but for reals ya'll, are we finally, FINALLY gettin' back to some awesomeness? It' all about chemistry, you guys. Some freaking chemistry. And I'm not talking about the horror show that is Ericavery. Ya dig?

Where there's smoke, there's Lavery.

Today may have been the first episode in a long while where actual "things" have happened. Rockin'.

Thursday 2/4:
Sooooo, Greensleeves got mad at the tv, threw the remote and it totes accidentally shut the flue on the fireplace. Fireplace gets smokey, Laves is at WildWindWood because he's planning on harassing Dr. Dave some more and (zoinks!) he hears the fire alarm. Firemen come, break down door (Laves was too wimpy to kick it in himself this time) but Greensleeves hides before anybody sees her.

Natalia is an awful, awful police person and questions Juno's Baby Daddy 'bout all the break ins even though she really shouldn't be doing that. Brot, who's acutally a good police person, gets Juno to call in Liza, but Baby Daddy still admits that he was hanging out in NeoColby's room while the last couple a' break ins were goin' down. Juno's really not stoked on this, and she leaves. It was nice knowin' ye, Juno. (I'm pretty sure today was her last day in the fair town of Pine Valley. i.e. Girlfriend's contract wasn't renewed.)

JR still has the Cancer, and NuevoColby comes over to bitch and somehow stops thinking about her self just long enough to finally figure out he's not just a drunk.

Randi's a total Debbie Downer about the whole Fusion being destroyed thing, but Madison rallies the troops to save the children! The company, I mean. Erica's likes Madison's spunk, and Randi needs stop being a huge beyotch.

Everyone is kinda sorta onto Dr. David Hayward Baby Stealer Greenlee Healer, but also kinda not (Because he is awesome and no one will ever get anything over on him. Ever.) Greensleeves wanted to leave PV yesterday, but today's she's all, "Psyche! Instead we're gonna piss people off and I'mma get my company back!" How's that gonna happen? Well, I'll tell you. Greensleeves and Dr. David Hayward are going to get . . . wait for it . . . married. They are getting married, my friends. The only thing more awesome than a Greenlee/Hayward marriage, would be a Melody/Hayward marriage and I'm told this is impossible because he's a fictional character and I am a for real person. It's the year 2010, though, so we'll see. We'll just see.

Backs and Hackers

Gosh, everyone is so mean to David Hayward these days! He's just trying to heal somebody who's been presumed dead for a year and now has a bad spine! Get off his back! (Back . . . get it? Greenlee? Back? Ehhhh?)

Tuesday 2/2:
Greensleeves sees Ericavery doing it and she instantly goes blind. Or not. Basically she's super grossed out like the rest of us, and tells Dr. David Baby Stealer she wants to go far, far away from Pine Valley (Malaysia it is!) except first they've got to steal a stick drive and destroy Fusion's computer system. Done and done!

Tad thinks he's so smart and tries to talk up Dr. Dave's Personal Pilot and get some secrets about the Dr. Dave situation, but DD's PP don't play that game. Funny Doc is kinda smart though, and switched out the shoebox that DD's PP was guarding. So now Funny Doc and Tad have a shoebox o' Greenlee drugs insteada just a regular shoebox o' shoes.

CrazAnnie's all up in Scott's "business" business, because he's doing budgets and she wants in on that. You're not fooling anyone CrazAnnie. Budgets are boring with a capital B. You just want to be near Scott. I know it, you know it, Grandad knows it. Keep it in your pants before he kicks you to the curb.

PS- Is it just me or were the hairdos on that band in the ad for the "Stagecoach" event a less "country music" and more "Jersey Shore?"

There are some things you can't unsee, Greenlee.

I'm so back, you guys. But wait, I leave for a week and everyone's hair's flat? I'm guessing we're in L.A. now, huh? That happens when I leave New York too.

Monday 2/1:
Everybody's busy kissin' everybody else. Funny Doc and 'Manda, Liza and Tad, but most importantly (i.e. grossest of all) Laves and Erica. Erica thinks their making out is so very important, that she calls a press conference at ConFusion to tell the papa-paparazzi about it. There really isn't ANYTHING else going on in Pine Valley that's news worthy?

On Friday, Greensleeves almost walked in on one-a these Ericavery makeout seshes, but Dr. Dave saves her at the last second from permanently destroying her retinas. He's all, "Don't go in there" and she's all, "Lavery has a girlfriend now doesn't he?!" and David's all, "shoulder shrug." He takes her to WildWindWood, and Tad totally sees him on his way there and that makes the Martin Bros get their panties in a bunch because that dude is back in town. They follow him there and threaten him and junk and are basically just super mean to my boyfriend. I know he lied to everybody about a bunch of things, but you leave my Dr. David Baby Stealer alone, boys. You hear me? Maybe if you guys were nicer to him, he wouldn't have to drug and kidnap for attention.

Laves and Erica head back to his joint, where they totes eat the dinner that was, I'm assuming, originally meant for Laves and Greensleeves. Those two fools then do it on the couch and Greensleeves shows up at the condo, and grabs the secret hidden key (by the way, nice hiding spot, Lavery. The plant in the hallway? Pfft.) and no Greenlee . . .don't. Please knock first. No Greelee. OH MY GOSH GREENLEE DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR! NOOOOOOOOOOO. And the damage is done.

Believe me, I feel your pain, Greensleeves. None of us have enjoyed their little tryst these past few months. Feel free to commence the "making Erica's life a living hell." We've missed you so.