I've missed you! I've missed Pine Valley! I've missed Dr. David Hayward . . . and ConFusion . . . I've even missed Laves! I've really missed you, Zach Slater. So glad Kendall's back and you guys are together and I'll get to see so much more of you now.
Wait, what?
Tuesday 12/29:
Greenlee's wakin' up. Kinda sorta. She said, "mumble mumble Ryan mumblemumble" to Nurse Gayle and Gayle tells Dr. David this and he's like, "Ryan? Gosh I hate that guy. I'mma put her back under, cool?" Oh yeah, and Tad arrives at the bar with the hospital room in the back (where Greens is), and is totally going to crack this case but Hayward sees him and has his heiny arrested.
Erica Kane stops by Grandad's for some reason or another, and CrazAnnie was just finishing up a pilates sesh with Sven. Erica's all, "I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO DO PILATES! BEYOTCH!" And CrazAnnie's like, "Pfsst. Evs, Erica. I'm going to get custody of Emma." Then Laves stops by and he's like, "Can't we just have that joint custody thingy?" And Grandad's like, "Naw, let's send Emma to boarding school." Grandad probably thinks this is 1838 back when people did stuff like that. You know, back when he was Emma's age. I kid, I kid. Anyhoo, the prospect of CrazAnnie having custody of anything is very troubling to just about everyone, so Laves agrees to let the courts decide and then Grandad bribes/not bribes a judge. (Did he bribe that guy? I can't tell. Am I no longer hip to Grandad's subtleties in regards to his corruption of the judicial system? Have I been gone that long?)
Zach and Kendall are finally back in Pine Valley and all is right with the world. Except not. Zach Slater (aka Thorsten Kaye) is totally not moving to L.A. because he's worried he might run into Heidi and Spencer and those "Hills" fools and just have to unleash the wrath of Zach on them. Or maybe he's staying because his partner, Susan Haskell, is on One Life to Live (a popular daytime drama people really like and one that has decent writing . . . but that's just what Soap Opera Digest tells me.) and it's filmed in NYC and he wants to stay with his honey. Either way today was the last Zach Slater episode forever. Or not. As we all know "forever" really isn't forever in soap land.
I'm gonna miss you Zach. I'm gonna miss your wavy dark hair and your manliness and your poetry and the way you don't take nothing from nobody. I will still invoke your memory here in the Paraphrasing Pine Valley apartment . . . er offices, by saying things like, "Not gonna happen!" in your accent, and telling people that "The Boys should be with their mother." Joking aside, daytime drama loses a fantastic character today. Come back to Pine Valley soon, Zach Slater. Even if it's for a day or two.
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