"I'm great! A bunch of people think I'm dying!"

It is so nice that the first David Hayward episode of the week falls on the same day when our hermit crab, his namesake (DDHHC for short) emerges from his month long molting! It's a Christmas miracle!

Thursday 12/17:
Everyone in Pine Valley, well the important everyones that is, gets an invitation to a "benefit" for the "hospital." Weird, because it's happening the same day they get the invite. In fact, Krystal and Candy Shoppe architect were going to go on a date to go see that new movie with that "I drink your milkshake" guy . . . what's it called . . . um, there's like singing and dancing and like . . . singing in it? It's called "Eight" or something . . . no wait, it's called "Nine™!" Yes, "Nine™." They were going to go see that critically acclaimed movie starring that attractive chick, but you know what, they'll just go to the "benefit" instead.

Meanwhile, Secret Aidan Man has taken Kendall to a Secret Warehouse and, whatever, he's going to make her love him if it's the last thing does and yadda yadda. We all know he's bonkers and none of us like it. 'Specially Zach. Zach's a crazy genius these days and looks around the hotel room they were in and he totes figures out what the haps is. Hottie Inn Keeper ends up back at the hotel room, after a heart to heart with K. Hart (or something, I dunno what any of those folks are doing anymore) and Zach grabs her and totes makes her take him to the Secret Warehouse. Then Aidan hits him over the head with his gun. I have no words for what my dear, sweet sexy accented Aidan has now become.

Erica Kane (who so didn't feel like going to the last minute "benefit," boy is she going to be sorry!) was gonna go to the cops about how weird this whole Kendall thing is, but Zach and Laves convinced her not to. Then she and Laves talk about how they're each other's presents for Christmas this year and stuff and I'm sure it was really sweet but I was so distracted by the jingle jangle of her earrings that couldn't concentrate on anything except that. Who styled this episode? Seriously. Velour is so 2003 and never ever put accessories that sound like a door bell on an actress. Amanda looked smokin' though . . .

Anyhoo, turns out the "benefit" wasn't really a benefit, but more like a party where Dr. David Baby Stealer reminded everyone of how awesome a deceiver he is. He's all, "Tad, sorry 'bout stealing your wife." "JR, sorry I tricked you into drinking again and then tried to steal your kid from ya." "Not Babe, sorry I ignored you when I found out the cutest baby in the entire freaking world was my son (but not really)" "And 'Manda, sorry I made sweet, sweet love to you, not once, but twice (one of those times in the back of a car) and totally manipulated you into moving in with me." "Oh and by the way, you guys, I'm dying."

Pssssst- Nurse Gail says patient is responding well! And from the previews a Greenlee return is imminent my friends. If I ever crash my motorcycle in my wedding gown, and I fall into ditch, and then everyone thinks I'm dead, but I'm actually in like a coma or something in Boston, when I wake up, I can only hope that the first face I would see would be that of that lovely hunk of man, Dr. David Hayward.