Enter Sandman

"Sleep with one eye open . . . Gripping your pillow tight."

Tuesday 10/27:
Junior's at a meeting for people who have cancer, yet he and Not Babe feel the need to be all sorts of PDA-y in front of everyone. Classy. One dude talks about he got married real quick when he had cancer, then when got better he became a douche and his wife left him. That won't happen to Junior. No siree. Those Chandlers get married and stay married . . . right?

Did you know that Natalia's a mapolholic? Well she is. She loves maps. She loves maps so much she's going to use one to figure out where that silly Kendall and Secret Aidan Man are. I'm like a mapoholic too. Except for booze.

And silly Kendall and Secret Aidan Man are in that abandoned church in the country. Kendall's got her stupid computer and she's all sorts of "yadda yadda yadda oh Zach your poetry is amazing. IM me things that rhyme again. Emoticon emoticon." Aidan, take that damn thing away from her.

As Casa de Zach he's all, "yadda yadda yadda oh Kendall, I know my poetry rules." And Police Chief comes over and tells him how he pretty much figured out where Kendall was, so he made his team look for her in the completely wrong direction so no one would find 'em. Oh you just wait, you guys.

Remember how Dr. David Baby Stealer wants to have a baby with Real Preggers, instead of just stealing another one? Well, she's into it. Maybe not "into" it, but she's cool with it as long as Dr. David Baby Stealer promises not to destroy her marriage to Funny Doc. Yeah, good luck with that one, Real Preggers.

Then everyone falls asleep and we waste a good hour and half watching Kendall and Zach both imagine they're making out with each other. (Padding: it's not just for bras anymore.*) Then Secret Aidan Man gets back from the store (dude had the munchies) and ZOMG THERE'S SOMEONE OUTSIDE THE ABANDONED CHURCH!!! Then Natalia runs in and shoots Secret Aidan Man in the other arm and he's like, "GOD! Every time!! EVERY DAMN TIME!"

Okay, not really, but I am SOOOOOOO hoping that's what happens tomorrow.

*Credit: Mr. Paraphrasing Pine Valley