Hooray for Mittens!!

Who's excited about the impending Dance a Thon 2009?!!

Monday 9/14:
Looks like Mittens is going to be all surgified again. Well done, Mittens. You stayed sober enough to a: not sleep with Madison the Dead D.A.'s Wife and b: put on a suit. And you got your job back! Now go surgery someone! He's still all down, though, about how he kinda sorta maybe but not really slept with Madison and thinks his marriage is ruined.

Know who else thinks his marriage is ruined? His wife. Yup, she's gonna file for divorce. But she hasn't had her morning coffee yet and she doesn't want to talk about. Randi, you're at a bar. Shut up. Madison likes bars and also pissing people off, so she shows up and Police Chief totes threatens her life. Oh Police Chief.

Zach takes Emma to Mansion de Grandad so she can visit mommy and maybe they'll get a confession. If it were that easy! Fake Preggers was at Zach's house, naturally, so I guess she "watches" The Boys, but she's such a bad mother she loses one of them and he totes goes to the secret door to the secret room and starts talking about his mommy! Way to ruin it, kid. Kendall is such a bad prisoner, that instead of just letting him stay there and you know, not risk being discovered by Fake Preggers, she snatches him. Now people think we have a missing child and he's actually with a lady who's supposed to be in jail! Oh Kendall.

This crazy storm has gotten Grandad all worked up, and he keeps talking about how his brother was murdered and aren't we over that yet? No? Damn. So Zach is there and Emma talks to CrazAnnie and she's all weird and makes you think she maybe killed Stuart and Grandad remembers something about that night . . . wait . . . eh eh eh- not till tomorrow, you guys! This is the soaps!

Randi shows up at Mittens office to make him feel bad about himself, I mean, congratulate him. Randi wants a divorce, PSYCHE, no she doesn't and they're gonna stay together. Well that was easy. She leaves and Madison shows up and she wants to steal people kidneys for cash but Mittens is a for real doc now and won't do that and she's mad and HEY LOOK THERE'S A KNICK KNACK!!! GRAB IT MADISON!! MADISON IS GOING TO BONK MITTENS ON THE HEAD!!! Eh eh eh- tomorrow, ya'll.

Tomorrow's there's bonking, and . . . other stuff I guess? I really mostly just care about the bonking.

Once a ho, always a ho

THE CHOKING!!

Thursday 7/2
With her court date moved up, Kendall and The Hardy Boys have been running around talking to this person and that person and finally, Police Chief steps in and says, "Hey folks, let's just tell the truth at the trial!" And Kendall's all, "The what?" And he's like, "The truth" and she's like, "The whaaaaaa?"

Patrick Bateman, District Attorney visits Mittens (and his fancy jammies) in the hospital, and tries to make him think his ex-hooker wife is some sort of slut or something. Down at Casa de Mittens, Mrs. Mittens spills it to Zach about the whole D.A. bein' in love with her thing. Zach's like, "Jackpot! Or not, whatever, you never saw me."

Secret Aiden Man gets discovered by Grandad's crack security team, and they totes find the bug! Curses! (Wait, where were they the night all those people were running around the house, killing The Good Twin?) And Mrs. Mittens decides to sacrifice her hot bod for the good of someone or something, and gallivants off to D.C. with Patrick Bateman.

Kendall is totally bummed she's going to be sentenced to death for the crime she committed. I mean, she didn't commit, that CrazAnnie committed. Actually, that Emma committed. You'll see. You'll all see . . .

Zach is exasperated that no one will do what they're told, Kendall goes missing and (meow) cat fight down at Grandad's house!!

Will CrazAnnie choke Erica to death? My guess is no. But Mrs. Mittens is so going to get busy with Patrick Bateman, and Mittens is not going to be happy about it.