Death by knick knack

Someone gets killed! And it's not Adam . . . again.

Monday 7/6
Hey, guess what? Erica Kane was NOT choked to death by CrazAnnie. BUT Grandad almost had her arrested. Well, almost doesn't count, Grandad.

Down at ye olde casino, Zach encourages Mrs. D.A. to "speak her mind . . . " and boy does she! More on that later.

Now to the important stuff: so Mrs. Mittens visits Patrick Batemen, D.A. in his fancy schmancy District of Columbia hotel room. He's totes bummed because she won't do it (I mean, "it" it!) with him. He gets all forceful and junk (didn't see that one coming), so she bonks him on the head with an American eagle sculpture (because it's D.C.) and he's out cold. She leaves to call Mittens (who is totally capable of answering a cell phone these days, might I add, so I don't want to hear another complaint from him about his surgeon hands), and then Mrs. D.A. shows up, quotes my new catch phrase*, and bonks the D.A. even harder on the head!! There's blood and junk!! I think I'm going to miss his snappy fashion sense the most.

In a terribly unfortunate turn of events, Mrs. Mittens comes back to Hank's room to get keys or her wallet or her velvet scrunchie, and what do you know, Police Chief shows up, intending to tell the D.A. he's quittin'. So now he's there and it looks like his daughter-in-law killed somebody! Police Chief can't catch a damn break!

Mrs. D.A. aparently owns a jet pack or something, probably government issued, because she was able to go to D.C. from Pine Valley, kill her husband, then show up back at the casino to gamble away more money? You lost me, there, AMC, but whatever.

Kendall visits Ryan, and "needs" him, but doesn't want Zach to know this. Turns out Erica Kane "needs" him too, on account of that crazy beyotch livin' with Grandad. Kendall jumps off the balcony or something (I bet she borrowed Mrs. D.A.'s jet pack) and shows up at Grandad's house! That woman can do a lot in heels.

This week, Grandad remembers who shot Stuart and finally, FINALLY, Amanda figures out Barbardos Baby (who's got his drivers license by now) is HER baby!

*"You make it very hard for me to love you, Madison." Except, she says Henry or Hank or Rapist District Attorney. See, it's catching on!!

Once a ho, always a ho

THE CHOKING!!

Thursday 7/2
With her court date moved up, Kendall and The Hardy Boys have been running around talking to this person and that person and finally, Police Chief steps in and says, "Hey folks, let's just tell the truth at the trial!" And Kendall's all, "The what?" And he's like, "The truth" and she's like, "The whaaaaaa?"

Patrick Bateman, District Attorney visits Mittens (and his fancy jammies) in the hospital, and tries to make him think his ex-hooker wife is some sort of slut or something. Down at Casa de Mittens, Mrs. Mittens spills it to Zach about the whole D.A. bein' in love with her thing. Zach's like, "Jackpot! Or not, whatever, you never saw me."

Secret Aiden Man gets discovered by Grandad's crack security team, and they totes find the bug! Curses! (Wait, where were they the night all those people were running around the house, killing The Good Twin?) And Mrs. Mittens decides to sacrifice her hot bod for the good of someone or something, and gallivants off to D.C. with Patrick Bateman.

Kendall is totally bummed she's going to be sentenced to death for the crime she committed. I mean, she didn't commit, that CrazAnnie committed. Actually, that Emma committed. You'll see. You'll all see . . .

Zach is exasperated that no one will do what they're told, Kendall goes missing and (meow) cat fight down at Grandad's house!!

Will CrazAnnie choke Erica to death? My guess is no. But Mrs. Mittens is so going to get busy with Patrick Bateman, and Mittens is not going to be happy about it.