The Trouble with Doubles

Dr. David Baby Stealer is smarter than everyone in Pine Valley put together.

Wednesday 10/14:
Scott's all sorts of broken up over whatever CrazAnnie told him, which I'm pretty sure was something like, "Your father's brother shot his brother, your father. But let's make it look like my daughter did it, 'kay?" And see, Grandad thinks that Emma really is the killer, because he's a kooky old man, but he for reals killed him (this is my own hypothesis and has yet to be proven- but I'm totally right). And Lavery thinks that CrazAnnie did it, but some people think Kendall did it and they all cancel each other out so no one killed Stuart, right?

Shankdall's over this whole being in prison, and she wants out, so Zach orders her locked in the secret room . . . wait, what? How many people are ya'lls gonna kidnap for Kendall? What's so great about Kendall? She's not that nice!

Dr. David Baby Stealer is the smartest person in Pine Valley, and he's SOOOO onto this whole charade. And with Shankdall actin' all difficult, Zach's calling the switcheroo off. Not sure how this is gonna happen, or what he's gonna do, but when Zach calls off the switcheroo, it's off!

Kendall kinda likes not being in jail, so she's got her own plan and asks Erica to bail out Secret Aidan Man. Pine Valley has the most inept police ever, and Erica tells the guard at Kendall's hospital room door that Secret Aidan Man's "her lawyer." (Yeah, police guy? Lawyers don't typically wear super tight hoodies when they're out and about. Just a tip.) Kendall wants Secret Aidan Man to "help" her . . . yeah . . . um, Aidan? Feel free to "help" me too. You and that super tight hoodie. Meow.

Oh oh oh, and I almost forgot. Shankdall totally tricks Fake Preggers into coming into the secret room, then smacks her over the head with a glass! YES!

Fake Kendall is a bigger beyotch than Real Kendall, huh?

Everyone deserves their own wind machine. But especially Kendall.

Tuesday 10/13:
Emma's in hospital, hole in her head and stuff. Lavery accuses CrazAnnie of wanting Emma to stay in that coma. Well, in his defense, she did kinda say, "Go ahead and stay in that coma if you feel like it." But I kinda think she was being poetic and junk and not super literal. I can see how Lavery wouldn't understand such deep stuff.

Great Stuart's Ghost visits Grandad. Oh Stuart, fix your flingin' flangin' collar. They don't have mirrors in Heaven? Anyhoo, he talks to Grandad, and earlier Scott talked to Grandad, so you think that Grandad would realize that was the one who shot his bro, but nope nope, he thinks Emma did it. (They had me too, Grandad. It's okay.)

So Fake Kendall got herself shanked (Shankedall!) so she's en route to hospital. This means For Reals Kendall also has to be en route to hospital so they can pull the old stitch the hurt one, but put the fine one in the hospital bed switcheroo. Well, they do and it's fine . . . sorta. Erica Kane's brought Heart Valve with her to see Kendall, but it's weird how Kendall isn't, like, beyond stoked to see him. It's kinda like she's seen Heart Valve once or twice (or everyday) since she's been in-the-carcerated. Odd. Also, Dr. David Baby Stealer thinks it's weird how Kendall, is a-okay, given the fact that she lost tons of blood and has a bum heart . . . hmmm. Oh and Police Chief made Dr. Mrs. Police Chief do all of the stitching and the cutting which now makes her an accessory to this f-ed Real/Fake Kendall plan. Nice police work.

Fake Preggers takes Shankedall to Real Kendall's Fake Secret Prison, and she's like, "Awesome! Thanks for your help! Bu bye!" and Shankedall's like, "Whoa whoa whoa wait. I just got stabbed. I didn't get paid to get stabbed. I would very much prefer to not be incarcerated anymore. Thank you." Uh-oh!!!

Like a hole in the head . . .

Lavery wishes you a sexy Columbus Day!

Monday 10/12:
Zach and Kendall . . . Zandall . . . Kach . . .Zechdall . . . whatever, Zach and Kendall, lurve each other bunches, so they renew and repromise their marriage vows in their living room for the 47th time. By far the most romantic of their vow renewal renewal. Well, a little less romantic than a boat, but much more romantic than a hospital, so I guess it's the most medium romantic vow renewal they've had.

Meanwhile, Emma was busy fallin' down a bunch of stairs and bustin' her head. Totally not how Lavery's big "Let's Get Annie to Confess" party was supposed to end. They cart Emma off to Pine Valley hospital so Funny Doc can drill holes in her skull and make her better. Lavery blames everyone and everything . . . actually, mostly just Zach, for his kid bein' in the hospital. Naturally.

Police Chief arrests Secret Aidan Man, because . . . um . . . I'm not sure. I think it's to cover something up or something? To confuse Grandad? I can't follow all of the "Arrest this person" "Arrest that person but not for real" stuff in Pine Valley these days. Anyhow, Secret Aidan Man is arrested and his contract is up so you know what that means- electric chair.

Okay, down at hospital they drilled into Emma's head and she's okay but not awake and that's a bummer. (Mr. Paraphrasing Pine Valley thinks they need to try a heart transplant- that works for everybody else.) CrazAnnie decided to spill the beans about Stuart's murderer to Scott, but All My Children decided to NOT TELL US WHAT SHE SAID! COME ON!! Totes not fair. I'll bet you all a zillion dollars that she told him that Grandad is the killer, which is what I've been saying all along. (By saying "Emma's the killer" all those times I meant, "Grandad's the killer." It was opposite day whenever I said that . . . )

Kendsansch ("Kendall sans Zach") is chillaxin' at the house when the phone rings and Lady Prion Officer leaves a message saying that "Zach's wife" has been "stabbed" and because of "her heart condition" she's "being taken to Pine Valley hospital." Zoinks. This might throw a wrench in the Fake Kendall in Prison/Real Kendall in Fake Prison sitchamication.

We've got a barn, let's put on a christening!

Friday 10/9:
Police Chief agrees with me, and thinks that kidnapping CrazAnnie was, like, the worst idear ever. Secret Aidan Man uses his sexy accent to get a "I killed Stuart" out of her, but we're all pretty sure she's just saying that.

The Ghost of Stuart, collar askew, won't leave poor Grandad alone. Not only is Grandad's fiance missing (he's lost his fiance, the poor baby!) but Stuart's all, "Come on Grandad, you totes know stuff about my murder!!" Over at Lavery's, Emma's all, "I'll tell my secret if I can see that whackjob of my mother." And Lavery's all, "I'm all angry and junk!" And Erica's all, "But how does my hair look?!" It's basically just a whole mess of chaos and we're not getting anywhere with this.

Dr. David Baby Stealer wants to throw a late night shot gun christening for Barbados Baby! This guy is full of surprises. Real Preggers thinks Funny Doc should be the godfather, and Dr. Baby Stealer thinks Marissa should be the godmother. This kinda works out, but kinda doesn't because Funny Doc feels left out of the mix. So the priest splashes water on Barbados Baby's giant head, and Dr. Baby Stealer gets super creepy and thinks now he and Real Preggers have some sort of magical union and Funny Doc just wants his wife back.

Secret Aidan Man drugs CrazAnnie and takes her to Lavery's so she can talk to Emma and maybe, just maybe that kid will finally spill the beans. Well, Erica's there and being a total beyotch, and then Grandad shows up and he's all angry because a buncha idiots abducted his fiance and everyone starts yelling and gosh it's annoying and ZOMG Emma falls down the stairs running away from this room of lunatics!! Falling down the stairs is a popular pastime in Pine Valley, huh? I mean, besides all of the drugging and baby stealing.

Recap of Recap

Gosh I love this photo!!

Hey ya'll! Didn't get a chance to peep yesterday's AMC. But since I have a day off from the day job, this means I'll get to recap today's All My Children in for reals time!

I read one of those other recaps of Thursday's episode and this is what I gathered:

Kidnapping
Great Stuart's Ghost
Juno to move in with Fake Preggers?

See you at 2pm ET!!

Love,
Melody

R U Been Served?

So this "DVR" thing might actually be working out. Did you know that with the "DVR" you don't have to rewind anything? Also, the picture isn't all fuzzy and grainy and distorted. Yesterday I thought everyone got plastic surgery last week, now I'm thinking the technology might be making everyone look better. Man, what will they think of next?

Wednesday 10/7:
Colby's so angry about her mom lying that she's going to go move to Grandad's place in France. That's everyone's angry place in Pine Valley- France. Me, I go to CVS and buy a Snickers. Junior (who's freshly shorn!) thinks that maybe Colby should grow a pair of Chandlers and suck it up. Well, what he said was a lot nicer than that, but that's what he was getting at.

CrazAnnie's supposed to be helping Grandad plan their wedding at the casino (classy!) but she's no where's to be found so for sure she musta skipped town. Actually, girlfriend (who's ankle monitor free these days) is visiting her daughter at Lavery's and Lavery thinks that CrazAnnie's using their daughter to keep herself from going to prison, and yadda yadda yadda same tune different day.

At Casa de Slater, Secret Aiden Man swoops in with that DVD of CrazAnnie kissing Scott and Junior in the same day (that guy's a regular David Copperfield) and that's totally going to prove she killed Stewart. I think it just proves that she's a slut whore, but I'm sure Secret Aiden man has something up his sleeve . . . that sleeve that covers his glistening ripped bulging bicep. Two tickets to the gun show, please!

CrazAnnie finally arrives at the casino and then Secret Aiden Man shows up (how does he do it!) and he's all European and smug to her, then CrazAnnie goes to the bathroom and ZOMG she wakes up in a scary room with a bag on her head!! The Mystery Gang Inc., LLC (Kendall, Zach and Aiden) have kidnapped her! Committing a crime to prove you didn't commit a crime is the way they do it in Pine Valley.

Also at the casino (casino is to this week, as roof was to Dance A Thon 2009) Fake Preggers is chillin' and Colby's all grows up now and is going to forgive her mother and- hold the phone- a lawyer walks in and he's all, "YOU BEEN SERVED!" to Fake Preggers!!

Served, indeed!!

I'm baaacccck. And still technologically stupid.

Hey there! So I'm back, but I'm still brain dead kinda. Please bear with me.

We finally joined the year 2000 and hooked up this thing called a "DVR." It's like a videotape machine and it records the All My Children, but there's no video cassette tapes. I think it runs on magical unicorn tears or something, I dunno. Turns out, I can't work this "DVR" thing any better than the VCR. Turns out the "DVR" cut off the ends of both episodes I watched. Maybe it ran out of unicorn tears . . .

Double recap, ya'll! But with missing endings. So I guess it adds up to like 1.5 recaps? Sorry you guys, Mercury in retrograde.

Monday 10/5:
I'm gone for a week and everyone's got highlights!!

Ol' Madison's in the hospital. She tried to off herself with some pills. Randi totes just thinks Madison needs love. (Randi's a sucker.) Madison's daddy thinks she needs a swift kick in the pants. Mr. and Dr. Mrs. Police Chief think Madison needs to go Oak Haven. I'm not sure who wins this argument because well, "DVR" cut off.

Apparently Fake Pregger's baby's for reals Baby Momma's been lookin' for him (Gosh that's a lot of apostrophes) and she shows up while Fake Pregger's is with Funny Doc at the Boat Club. D'oh! Funny Doc takes Baby Stewart and Fake Preggers feeds Juno some line about how that baby she gave away is totally loved and Fake Preggers knows the family totes well and he'll be fine. This appeases Juno a bit, but she still kinda wants to meet that baby. She's just so confused. It's like, she gave birth to him and she, like, feels like she wants to meet him but, like, people keep telling her that's a bad idea. Fake Preggers says she'll see what she can do. Pssst, Juno- that red headed lady is your kid's adoptive mom. She's right there.

Krystal's got a bright idea to seduce Dr. David Baby Stealer to save Amanda, but Dr. David Baby Stealer's busy seducing Amanda. Circle of Life, ya'll. Tad thinks this is a really stupid idea. Also, we're supposed to believe that out of the 300 kids Dr. David Baby Stealer has fathered/stolen, he just changed his first diaper.

Then "DVR" cut off. Sigh. Moving on . . .

Tuesday 10/6:
Guess Mr. and Dr. Mrs. Police Chief won the "what the heck to do with Madison" battle, and they're sending her to Oak Haven. Taking an ambulance would be way too slow, so Mittens drives her. And then Mittens wrecks the car right as Madison's gonna give him the key to her safe deposit box of secrets. Mittens has the worst timing!

Fake Preggers figures she kinda should tell Colby about how her other kid really isn't her "kid" but instead an "adopted kid", but when she does Colby freaks out like people have been lying to her her whole life. Wait, wait, um, yeah, they have. Commence freaking out, Colby.

Funny Doc comes over to Dr. David Baby Stealer's crib (nudge nudge) and does it with Amanda. Which makes that whole them not talking to each other thing okay because he's Ricky Paull Goldin. Woulda worked for me, knowwhatImean?

Madison's back in the hospital and this time it's Mittens' fault and he kinda feels bad about how he almost killed her and he thinks she's turned a new leaf and might be nice now. I think Madison's smarter than all of you. Randi needs a Jump to Conclusions Mat, because she gets mad that Mittens' defending her and stuff (I thought you thought she just needed love, Randi!), but then later Madison confesses and everything's okay and hey, wait a minute, where's that safe deposit box key?

Then the "DVR" cuts off.

Mercury, you guys. Mercury.

On an up note, I just got my first issue of Soap Opera Digest in the mail today! This means I'm a real deal card carrying member of the soap opera lovers club!! It feels good to be official.