Are you my mommy?

I seriously need to work on my VCR skills. Maybe my first problem is that I still use a VCR.

Tuesday 6/30:
Now THIS is what I'm talking about! Yes, our friends at All My Children may have taken a few cues from "The Simpsons" but finally, SOMETHING!

Tad remembers some details from the night of Pastely Twin's murder (also the night he himself was shot in the head and became the most annoying person on the planet) . . . something involving that little Emma, yeah whatever, CrazAnnie too, but EMMA! I knew she wasn't to be trusted! She has a look of a cold blooded killer, I tell you!

Scott (apparently back from vacay/contract negotiations) has come up with one of these new-fangled "mission statements" for Chandmerica Industries. It goes like this: "Let's not be greedy." Kind of not a mission statement. Grandad and Junior go all "Wall Street" on his ass and are like, "Um, we actually really love money, we'd like to just make more of it. Hey, THAT should be our mission statement." Scott disagrees and takes his mission statement with him, but Junior convinces him to come back to Chandmerica Enterprise Corporation and Company, LLC.

Mrs. DA's back gamblin'! She just doesn't know when to hold 'em or fold 'em. She's also kind of bitch.

Barbados Baby won't stop crying. Probably because The Artist Formally Known As Fake Preggers ISN'T HIS REAL MOTHER! But then when his real mother holds him SHE DOESN'T REALIZE SHE IS HIS REAL MOTHER! Is there a gas leak in Pine Valley?

Pervy the D.A. shoots holes in Tad and Lavery's "Annie did it" theory with the old "Was her hair straight or curly? I said STRAIGHT OR CURLY?" act. Gets 'em every time.

Colby and The Artist Formally Known As Fake Preggers officially reconcile (this will be until Colby realizes her mother is still a dirty liar), Zach is pissed Tad and Lavery didn't follow his very specific instructions to not talk to the D.A., and that little Emma totes killed Stuart! Please, please, please put her on trial!

We're still talking 'bout Babe

Hello! How was everyone's weekends? I went to New Jersey. I got a sun burn. I lost at mini golf. These events were all kind of more exciting than today's AMC. But, really, who am I to judge?

Monday 6/29
Finally, Fake Preggers gives Not Birth to her few week old "newborn" baby!! And he was born with a hat. How convenient! (Turns out the whole Tad getting pulled over thing last week was kind of a non-event.)

Meanwhile, at the hippest spot in Pine Valley (aka the cemetery) Krystal and Baby Stealer share a very romantic kiss atop their dead daughter's grave and the recently buried urn of coffee grounds. Not Babe is totally bummed to see them making out, because it's really icky to see your parents do it . . . I mean, make out. Not Babe's got the hots for Junior, and Baby Stealer's all, "But he's a drunk!" and Junior's all, "Hellllooooo! You almost killed Krystal driving drunk! Who's the drunk now, Drunky?!" And Baby Stealer's all, "Touche." Junior tells Not Babe that when he swaped spit with her, he was kinda pretending she was his dead wife. This doesn't land well with Not Babe. It's also super creepy.

At the Chandler mansion, turns out Sherlock Lavery, Dr. Erica Watson and Secret Aiden Man have done some super sleuthing and have figured out that maybe, just maybe Annie was the one who shot Stuart. Well done, kids.

Fake Preggers decides to name Barbados Baby, "Stuart" . . . Does no one, NO ONE realize this damn kid is, what, a month and a half old?

The Lady Formally Knows As Real Preggers can't stand that child's incessant wailing- I think it's because she's bummed her baby "died" or was "adopted" or "for Pete's sake that kid is 8 months old, why don't you people realize that???!!!!"

JR talks to a dead person (Guess who it is!), Tad and Blondie Soldier are totes going to do it and Amanda peeps Barbados Baby and doesn't realize it's her kid (COME ON!!! HE'S LIKE 2!)