Hot Pine Valley Nights

Shoo-eee!! It’s getting’ steamy in Pine Valley! People are kissin’, dudes are almost showing their private areas! It’s August, ya’ll!

Wednesday 8/12:
So I forgot to mention yesterday that Dr. Baby Stealer went to Fake Preggers’ to make out with her. And she was like, “Yeah you just want my baby. Buh bye.” Not that important.

Anyhow, Scott’s all wet and almost nakey and he French kisses CrazAnnie, and dammit she totes forgot about that weird video camera in the parlor or the living room or wherever it is she hangs out these days. So she’s watches and there by erases or stealers the footage (like Grandad even remembers that camera!) and Junior comes over and he’s like, “I kissed Annie,” and Scott’s like, “But I kissed Annie!” and this means they made out with each other and that’s hot. Scott’s all bummed ‘cuz Not Babe does Not Love him, and instead she loves Junior, but see Junior has been bribed by David to Not Love Not Babe and now everything’s mad confusing. So Scott talks his fancy love words and Junior decides to visit Not Babe and be her bf. However, Not Babe is pissed that Junior’s super hot and cold and I’m pretty sure she throws a bed pan at him. Ewwwwww.

Kendall’s stuck in that stupid Ikea basement, and Zach’s like “You’ve got towels and Emilio Estevez’s entire body of work on DVD! You’ve got everything you need! You never need to leave!” and she’s like, “But where do I sleep?” and he’s like, “You’re not that bright are you?” So Zach goes to tend to a casino emergency and Jesse breaks in the house to “Check on The Boys” (So why was he wearing gloves? EH?!!) and Kendall hears him and leaves her Ikea basement, totally ignoring the rules. Then later there’s a montage of Zach’s facial hair and I really think Fake Preggers should lay off the tanner. No one should be orange.

Love is in the air

Love is in the air in Pine Valley! Old people, young people, new people . . . . old people? Basically everyone just wants to do it!

Tuesday 8/11:
So “Kendall” doesn’t want any visitors in jail! Not even her mother! The nerve! Actually the “Kendall” in jail, isn’t Kendall. Instead, last week at the courthouse Police Chief ethered the realsies Kendall and they threw a fakesies “Kendall” in there and took Kendall to the Ikea closet in Zach’s basement. Basically there’s a Robot Kendall in jail and she’ll eventually turn on all of us and destroy Pine Valley. You can’t trust a robot, especially not a Robot Kendall. It’s like a double robot or something.

Emma calls up CrazAnnie, and Lavery’s like “God, how many phones do you have?!” and it seems like Emma maybe lied about the seeing Kendall thing. Yawn. So Police Chief and Lavery and CrazAnnie’s Hypontherapsychocotor all come over to the steamy and sweaty Chandl-ansion (courtesy of broken A/C) to rub oil all over CrazAnnie’s already glistening and sumptuous body and boy is it hot in here?

Erica can’t believe Robot Kendall won’t talk to her, so she finds solace in a little nighttime phone call to Lavery. Turns out they both like some crappy movie with music in it that sound like the theme song to “Moonlighting” but in Spanish.

Scott’s kiss in the hospital with Not Babe went Not Well, and he went into the old “I’m a nice guy, girls don’t like me, poor me thing” (Needy isn’t attractive, Scott) so he goes to the bar where Dr. Baby Stealer gives him some advice that is basically, “Be a d**k.” Thanks, Dr. Baby Stealer, lets perpetuate that idea that ladies like guys who screw them over. Oh but wait, Scott takes it’s one step further and gets all nakey at Grandad’s crib, right in front of CrazAnnie and the guy is super duper cut, and then he takes off his pants and SERIOUSLY IS JUST ME OR IS IT REALLY HOT IN HERE!?

Grandad’s memory is jogged by some poppin’ Champagne and Fake Preggers loves Zach. Really, guys, it’s hot in here.